The crib and glider are set. His clothes are ready to be washed and folded. Minus pacifiers and a few small items, we're ready [Well, sort of, but that's a post unto itself!] I just hope we'll be emotionally ready. For eight years its been Jack and me. Sleeping in, eating out, traveling, renting loads of DVDs. Now we will bring in an unknown variable, a cute pouty lipped variable but a variable to what we've known.
Sometimes I worry about Jack's expectations. When you've dealt with IF and loss, and waited a while to have a baby, you have a lot of time to dream and fantasize. A few times now Jack has said our baby will be really chill, I can tell because he doesn't kick you very hard. He envisions him cooing in the crib, or snuggled between us in bed on a lazy Sunday morning. he knows his boy will share his toys, eat his greens and thank us for parenting him. (Well he didn't put it quite this way but its the impression I got). While I hope this will happen- I have tentatively told him its also going to be hard and challenging, sleepless nights, hormones I'm crashing from, not understanding his needs. He waves this away. Yeah but it will be okay, we won't mind because we'll love him so much, and besides, I think he's going to be an easy baby.
But just like acid reflux is annoying despite a much wanted pregnancy, I'm assuming you can love your child and still miss sleep. I'm lucky. I've had a few friends who refused to sugar coat it for me, and I'm blessed to have y'all, many of whom are parenting after IF and say it straight so I know it won't be kisses and giggles at all times. I just wonder about Jack and how he'll handle it if little dude isn't as easy as he predicts. I'm sure we'll roll with the punches but I hope he doesn't get punched too hard.
On another note, I hope he is prepared for the emotions I may experience. Having wanted this pregnancy for years, one would expect that I'll be just smiling and starry eyed at all times. I desperately hope this will be the case but I'm aware of the hormone-crash. That my mother had Post-Partum depression. That sometimes I struggle with regular old depression. And that if PMS is any indication, I might have emotional lows upon giving birth. We've been talking about it and he says he understands. I hope he knows that if God forbid I do have emotional instability, that its not because I don't love the miracle I've been given, but hormones that in some ways are out of my control.
Last April I lost Speck. Since then we've been through so much and our marriage only got stronger. I hope that if parenthood tests us unexpectedly that we will also find our way through this too.