I'm feeling a little drained. And annoyed. As I stated in my last post I had labor-like contractions for nearly an hour. It hurt like hell. I could not walk nor talk through them and then- they slowly tapered off and now the volcano is silent again. I feel teased. I feel a little frustrated. From the way sunflower is now kicking me, he is feeling teased too. I realize I cannot control my body and I realize this is just a practice run and that as a type-A minded person, my body is apparently a type-A bodied creature that simply must practice 100 times before doing the real thing but I still kind of want to cry. The pain was scary and more powerful than the last time I had painful contractions two nights earlier. This time I felt the pain in my back and pelvic area as well. I know labor hurts. I know that what went in was microscopic but what's going to come out is at least 8 pounds. So yes- pain is to be expected- but wow- that pain is amazing. That pain is otherwordly. I now understand why people of my faith pray for others while in the throes of this pain- I felt like I was on another plane in the midst of the intense pain. But what scares me is that if this isn't labor- will actual labor pains hurt more? That is terrifying.
I want my body to go into labor on its own. I don't want to be induced. So I shouldn't complain. I'm just confused. Is this going to lead to something? Or is my body just messing around? I feel like someone told me you won a million dollars!! and then said oh whoops, not you, the *other* girl in the yellow shirt. Sigh.
Forgive me for my twitter like updates lately but as always this is my place to write about what's going on, and helps me make sense of what is going on. Thank you for listening.