Last night a major storm passed through. The thunder was so loud it shook the house and woke Sunflower. It was incredible. One second my eyes flutter open to the flashing light and the loud crack of thunder and the next I hear little feet kicking and squirming followed by hiccups. I rubbed my belly in the dark as rain hit the windows, talking to him in a soothing voice, and just like that the movements slowed and then, silence. It worked. I soothed him.
It hit me again that there's a real person in there. A person who, though in utero found comfort in me. I'm scared of a C-section because I won't be able to hold him right away. And I'm the one he'll most likely recognize. I'm scared if we miss out on those first few moments we'll miss vital bonding time, that maybe the right hormones won't release from me and somehow I might feel distant from my son. I've read that C-Sections can trigger PPD and that scares me too since I know it can happen to anyone, no matter how wanted the baby is.
I'm at a more peaceful place right now but I've had moments of sheer terror today. Not about the labor but the aftermath of raising him. I have a lot of ideas of the kind of parent I want to be and I'm getting scared of how I'll actually do it. I was raised with no television for the first few years of my life, and didn't know what cartoons were until I went to Kindergarten. I want the same for my child but I watch a lot of TV. I want my child not to have to struggle with his weight and to be healthy but I eat a lot of crappy food. Do I tell him to do as I say, not as I do? I am planning to stop these things and Jack is planning to cut our cable when our contract ends in December- but will we do it? Will we be able to become the perfect people we need to be? The perfect people this baby deserves?
I'm trying to not think so much. I'm trying to just live in this moment. I wonder if its infertility that is making me think so much about all of this. Had I simply been able to get and stay pregnant at will would all this feel much more matter of fact for me?
And because I said this is a scatterbrained post, when I realized the title of this post is three more days, it reminded me of my favorite singer Ray LaMontagne, and a song he has by just that name [and no, it has nothing to do with babies!]
Showing posts with label doctor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doctor. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
6 more days
Thank you so much for your advice in the last post. [And Murgdan- your educated opinion is never assvice!] I feel better. I was raised to be a"good girl" which even at this age makes disagreeing uncomfortable. But- even if my choice annoys them, they can't say well we won't deliver you EVER. [right?]. I'm trying to alleviate my anxiety by reminding myself theres no induction police. I've loved my OB but she's disappointing me at the end.
My logic to wait a few more days is (1) An induction is serious and guarantees pitocin and the whole cascade of medical interventions which (2) boost the odds of a C-section. (3) Yes I have a GD baby but he's not going to gain a pound between Tuesday and Friday but (4) waiting a few more days until Friday could possibly progress me further, maybe not at all, but it could.
She kept saying 'Think of the baby first. I know you don't want a C-section but his health is paramount' which frustrates me because duh, but a C-section isn't the best option for him either. We don't get our skin on skin contact. Nursing is delayed. There's a lot that sucks for him too. Besides, he's being monitored weekly by MFM, they check everything and he's (thank God) scoring excellent. Besides we're talking about four days. And if we're going with convenience why should I accommodate her on-call schedule? Friday means Jack can catch up on his work, my family can drive up instead of taking pricey last minute flights and renting cars to get to the hospital. Hell, if we're going to do this for convenience why not my convenience then? Monday is quite inconvenient for me and my family. (not that this is why I want to wait until Friday).
Then because they said go in Monday, a part of me gets afraid that what if I don't listen and something God Forbid, bad happens. . . but I'm trying to push this out of my mind. Had my OB been on call Friday that would've been the scheduled induction date. This is not a medically necessitated induction on Tuesday. I'm trying to control my frustration. Most first timers go past their due date and here I am getting frustrated at my body for not going into labor already when its probably behaving perfectly normal.
I haven't prayed as much as I would like in the past few months. I feel guilty that now I am praying. I am begging for natural labor. I hope I will be heard and answered. If you remember, toss a prayer in for me and Sunflower. Much appreciated.
My logic to wait a few more days is (1) An induction is serious and guarantees pitocin and the whole cascade of medical interventions which (2) boost the odds of a C-section. (3) Yes I have a GD baby but he's not going to gain a pound between Tuesday and Friday but (4) waiting a few more days until Friday could possibly progress me further, maybe not at all, but it could.
She kept saying 'Think of the baby first. I know you don't want a C-section but his health is paramount' which frustrates me because duh, but a C-section isn't the best option for him either. We don't get our skin on skin contact. Nursing is delayed. There's a lot that sucks for him too. Besides, he's being monitored weekly by MFM, they check everything and he's (thank God) scoring excellent. Besides we're talking about four days. And if we're going with convenience why should I accommodate her on-call schedule? Friday means Jack can catch up on his work, my family can drive up instead of taking pricey last minute flights and renting cars to get to the hospital. Hell, if we're going to do this for convenience why not my convenience then? Monday is quite inconvenient for me and my family. (not that this is why I want to wait until Friday).
Then because they said go in Monday, a part of me gets afraid that what if I don't listen and something God Forbid, bad happens. . . but I'm trying to push this out of my mind. Had my OB been on call Friday that would've been the scheduled induction date. This is not a medically necessitated induction on Tuesday. I'm trying to control my frustration. Most first timers go past their due date and here I am getting frustrated at my body for not going into labor already when its probably behaving perfectly normal.
I haven't prayed as much as I would like in the past few months. I feel guilty that now I am praying. I am begging for natural labor. I hope I will be heard and answered. If you remember, toss a prayer in for me and Sunflower. Much appreciated.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Induction, Conflicted**
I'm so frustrated I want to punch a door or something. I went to the OB today and I'm not 2 cm dilated as one of the step-OBs thought. Just like Dr.MFM my OB thinks I'm 1cm dilated and the cervix is still long and hard. She then said how about get you in Monday to soften the cervix and induce Tuesday? Say what? I asked her, I thought I needed to have a ripe cervix to have success at an induction. She said she'd ideally like to see me at 2-3 cm dilated before scheduling an induction but because of my 'special circumstances' she doesn't want to have me go past my due date. What are the special circumstances:
1) Blood Thinners: This is not an issue once I'm off of it heparin is out of my system in 12 hours. Once out of my system the risks are gone, unless I've misunderstood something?
2) Gestational Diabetes: yes, I likely have a big baby. How much bigger will he get if I don't get induced Monday versus Friday or Saturday? Not much, while my odds of going into labor on my own do increase as the days pass.
Jack is bewildered. He said I thought you wanted the baby out? Now you want to wait. While I am uncomfortable and nervous I don't want to act on my own discomfort. I want what's best for the baby and I don't want to force an induction on myself that could lead to a C-Section simply because I'm in a hurry. That's stupid. I waited 2.5 years to have a baby, to speed up and consequently fuck up the last few days is just stupid.
I felt flummoxed at the appointment and agreed to induction but I feel so uncomfortable now. I don't know what to do. I was open to an induction Monday if I was dilated and ripe but I'm not. On the other hand, I'm going in just a few days prior to my due date and I will have my own OB doing the delivery and its not a guarantee that I'll have a C-section. She pointed out that there's no guarantee that I will go natural or that things will progress by waiting a few more days.
My gut, my heart is saying no don't do this, just wait. But how much do I wait with GD? I can't go over weeks. She will likely not allow me to even go past my due date. Jack is urging me to go ahead on Monday. I need to make a decision today. I might just let the OB know I'm conflicted and will make a final decision later. I'm just so confused.
***I just called again since I haven't heard back and the answering service picked up and said the office is done for the day. Not sure if that means they're not going to call me back. Well, they got the message and if they don't want to call me back that doesn't mean I have to go in on Monday for the induction. It's on them to return my call. I don't HAVE to go into an induction simply because they're not calling me back. Sigh
1) Blood Thinners: This is not an issue once I'm off of it heparin is out of my system in 12 hours. Once out of my system the risks are gone, unless I've misunderstood something?
2) Gestational Diabetes: yes, I likely have a big baby. How much bigger will he get if I don't get induced Monday versus Friday or Saturday? Not much, while my odds of going into labor on my own do increase as the days pass.
Jack is bewildered. He said I thought you wanted the baby out? Now you want to wait. While I am uncomfortable and nervous I don't want to act on my own discomfort. I want what's best for the baby and I don't want to force an induction on myself that could lead to a C-Section simply because I'm in a hurry. That's stupid. I waited 2.5 years to have a baby, to speed up and consequently fuck up the last few days is just stupid.
I felt flummoxed at the appointment and agreed to induction but I feel so uncomfortable now. I don't know what to do. I was open to an induction Monday if I was dilated and ripe but I'm not. On the other hand, I'm going in just a few days prior to my due date and I will have my own OB doing the delivery and its not a guarantee that I'll have a C-section. She pointed out that there's no guarantee that I will go natural or that things will progress by waiting a few more days.
My gut, my heart is saying no don't do this, just wait. But how much do I wait with GD? I can't go over weeks. She will likely not allow me to even go past my due date. Jack is urging me to go ahead on Monday. I need to make a decision today. I might just let the OB know I'm conflicted and will make a final decision later. I'm just so confused.
***I just called again since I haven't heard back and the answering service picked up and said the office is done for the day. Not sure if that means they're not going to call me back. Well, they got the message and if they don't want to call me back that doesn't mean I have to go in on Monday for the induction. It's on them to return my call. I don't HAVE to go into an induction simply because they're not calling me back. Sigh
39 Weeks- 7 more days
7 more day though quite frankly I'm convinced he's going to stay in here until he's 32. My amniotic fluids were back to normal. Discharge increased but its not amniotic. My cervix remains barely 2cm dilated. I'm 50% effaced. He's sunny side up so I'm at risk for back labor. In a nutshell: My body is practicing like hell but labor doesn't seem close. At all.
I'm emotional lately most likely because I'm sleep deprived getting two hours of sleep these days due to cramps and contractions. I want to laugh at the lack of progress and joke that little guy is just messing with me. I guess I'm too tired to laugh and it doesn't help that none of these pains did anything to further dilate me. I feel guilty for feeling frustrated. I'm full term what more do I want? I'll tell you: him. Until he's here, nothing is certain. He moves less these days. He passes his kick count test daily though it takes longer each evening to get the 10 kicks. This is normal, I know. But. There are enough scary stories on the web and in my own extended family for me to feel its a done deal simply being "term".
I'm in love. Hook line and sinker. This is the most intense love I've ever felt and the thought of losing him makes me want to die. That's why I'm impatient. That's why despite full days, the days crawl. I can deal with the waddling, the headaches, the fatigue, and this troubling toothache that is creeping up. But I need someone to promise me nothing will go wrong. While the odds are in my favor, they are only odds until he's here. I know its just a matter of time- today the nurse taking my vitals said I understand how it feels like forever, these last few days, I felt that way too when I was in your shoes and now my children are 30 and 33. Yep- time flies. It only feels like we live in the moment forever. I know this time next week I will most likely have him in my arms. Until then, I wait.
I'm emotional lately most likely because I'm sleep deprived getting two hours of sleep these days due to cramps and contractions. I want to laugh at the lack of progress and joke that little guy is just messing with me. I guess I'm too tired to laugh and it doesn't help that none of these pains did anything to further dilate me. I feel guilty for feeling frustrated. I'm full term what more do I want? I'll tell you: him. Until he's here, nothing is certain. He moves less these days. He passes his kick count test daily though it takes longer each evening to get the 10 kicks. This is normal, I know. But. There are enough scary stories on the web and in my own extended family for me to feel its a done deal simply being "term".
I'm in love. Hook line and sinker. This is the most intense love I've ever felt and the thought of losing him makes me want to die. That's why I'm impatient. That's why despite full days, the days crawl. I can deal with the waddling, the headaches, the fatigue, and this troubling toothache that is creeping up. But I need someone to promise me nothing will go wrong. While the odds are in my favor, they are only odds until he's here. I know its just a matter of time- today the nurse taking my vitals said I understand how it feels like forever, these last few days, I felt that way too when I was in your shoes and now my children are 30 and 33. Yep- time flies. It only feels like we live in the moment forever. I know this time next week I will most likely have him in my arms. Until then, I wait.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Amniotic fluids and induction
Dr. MFM told me my amniotic fluid decreased to the borderline level, dropping half in volume since last week. Oh, I said, well I have been leaking some watery discharge. Jack and MFM stared at me like I had morphed into a Cockatoo. And you didn't mention this because. . .? Jack asked. I felt myself grow red well I figured it was normal, plus its not a continuous trickle like Dr. Google said. She took a sample of the fluid [though I wasn't feeling the discharge then] and said I'm going to test to see if its amniotic fluid if it is we'll send you across the street to the hospital and you can deliver today! We just stared at her with our jaws dropped as she left the room. I don't have my bags packed! I shrieked. And today? We meet him today? I know I want to meet him, and yes I'd love to meet him today but wow it hit me like an anvil as Mekate pointed out, whether its this week or next his arrival is imminent!
She didn't find any evidence of a rupture though she said it didn't mean I wasn't leaking earlier. They're having me come in again Thursday to continue monitoring the levels. Friday I'm meeting my OB and the nurse hinted that my OB is on call next Monday and Tuesday so if I'm going to be induced it would likely be then.
If the fluid continues falling its a different matter, but otherwise I'm conflicted about inducing. On one hand my cervix is ripening and I'm dilating and effacing so the risks of C-Section due to induction are lower. Plus I know I'm carrying a large-ish baby so the longer I go the bigger the baby will be. BUT- as I was typing this I had a contraction from hell. I couldnt walk. I couldn't talk through it. My uterus hardened for three minutes while I breathed my way through it. If my body is revving up like an engine trying to get to a comfortable laboring hum, then why not let it? And even though labor feels like its coming tonight, I'm a first timer so odds are I'm not going until at at least my due date. Should I wait it out if I can?
In the meantime I'm going to finish packing my hospital bag, write out a checklist of things to take, and tidy up the bedroom. Sweets are my safe comfort food and I wish so much I could have a nice large milkshake right now. Dang you GD! In the meantime I ate a slice of pineapple. Nothing proves it sends you to labor but right now old wives tales on the internet sound like scientific based medical journals. I wish I could have that nice fun water broke moment soon erasing all doubt of what exactly is happening!
Is it possible to be simultaneously excited and frightened out of one's mind?
She didn't find any evidence of a rupture though she said it didn't mean I wasn't leaking earlier. They're having me come in again Thursday to continue monitoring the levels. Friday I'm meeting my OB and the nurse hinted that my OB is on call next Monday and Tuesday so if I'm going to be induced it would likely be then.
If the fluid continues falling its a different matter, but otherwise I'm conflicted about inducing. On one hand my cervix is ripening and I'm dilating and effacing so the risks of C-Section due to induction are lower. Plus I know I'm carrying a large-ish baby so the longer I go the bigger the baby will be. BUT- as I was typing this I had a contraction from hell. I couldnt walk. I couldn't talk through it. My uterus hardened for three minutes while I breathed my way through it. If my body is revving up like an engine trying to get to a comfortable laboring hum, then why not let it? And even though labor feels like its coming tonight, I'm a first timer so odds are I'm not going until at at least my due date. Should I wait it out if I can?
In the meantime I'm going to finish packing my hospital bag, write out a checklist of things to take, and tidy up the bedroom. Sweets are my safe comfort food and I wish so much I could have a nice large milkshake right now. Dang you GD! In the meantime I ate a slice of pineapple. Nothing proves it sends you to labor but right now old wives tales on the internet sound like scientific based medical journals. I wish I could have that nice fun water broke moment soon erasing all doubt of what exactly is happening!
Is it possible to be simultaneously excited and frightened out of one's mind?
NOW I'm scared of labor
I was having a perfectly pleasant dream about bottles. Avent versus Dr. Brown. Me and a friend were discussing the benefits of each quite passionately. Then my stomach started hurting and when I awoke the pain remained and my stomach was hard as a rock and I had to take deep breaths to stave off the pain. It went on for 3 minutes. Then it went away. After that I got more painless braxton hicks tightening [I officially love braxton hicks, they are so gentle, why couldn't we labor with braxton hicks gentle tight and release?] on and off. And then- SLAM. The next contraction was again strong enough I couldn't talk through it and the pain? Damn. Ladies, how do you do it? I found myself moaning and just pacing, walking, lying down, trying to do anything to make this pain go away. This one hurt enough to send a call to the doctor. The meanest Step-OB was on call and when I described my symptoms she said its not real labor (Being the bearer of bad news I suppose does not make her mean though) and such false labors are normal at this stage. I was hoping that since I was contracting every five minutes, just that some were those cute bunny rabbit braxton hicks, that maybe it all added up to labor, but no. She said they all have to be that painful and every five minutes.
So- veteran mothers, don't laugh- but- I had this image of me going into natural labor. I imagined myself packing my bags (because they're not fully packed), taking a shower, grabbing a bite to eat, saying a quick prayer, and then heading to the hospital. Frolicking really. This isn't going to happen, is it?
Now the volcano has calmed down, my uterus is soft, baby is kicking like crazy as if asking what the fuck was that? And I'm left wondering: Is my body sadistic? Or does it mean the real thing is imminent? I guess time will tell. In the meantime- is incessant blogging a symptom of labor?
So- veteran mothers, don't laugh- but- I had this image of me going into natural labor. I imagined myself packing my bags (because they're not fully packed), taking a shower, grabbing a bite to eat, saying a quick prayer, and then heading to the hospital. Frolicking really. This isn't going to happen, is it?
Now the volcano has calmed down, my uterus is soft, baby is kicking like crazy as if asking what the fuck was that? And I'm left wondering: Is my body sadistic? Or does it mean the real thing is imminent? I guess time will tell. In the meantime- is incessant blogging a symptom of labor?
Friday, April 23, 2010
38 Weeks
38 weeks. K twiddles thumbs. Looks left. Looks right. Back to twiddling thumbs. Yep we've arrived, can someone please tell Sunflower?
- I'm meeting with my OB one week from today to discuss next steps and a possible induction the first week of May but- its my sincere hope I'll go on my own before then.
- Anytime I call almost anyone these days before I can even say hi they say you're having the baby aren't you!!?! I guess I'm not the only one on alert.
- My brother graduates on my due date. My mom has mentioned at least five times A will remember forever I wasn't there so if you can plan the induction on Saturday, after his graduation. . . I get that college graduation is a big deal (though I didn't attend mine) and that A is a very sensitive baby of the family, but I do not want to be made to feel guilty that she can't attend his graduation. If I went into labor May 3 or so she plans to drive 8 hours here and then drive 8 hours back to make it to his graduation and then turn around and come back here. That makes NO SENSE. I told her she should attend his graduation because if she seriously thinks he'll hold a grudge forever then his event should take priority over being here in time for Sunflower's arrival. I'm just tired of being made to feel guilty, I didn't plan to have a due date overlap his graduation date. Jack and I are debating not calling anyone to tell them I'm in labor until Sunflower arrives making it simple for everyone, but I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do either.
- I haven't taken any birthing classes (out of laziness, though I watched a ton of 16 and pregnant and the baby story on TLC- does that count?) but I'm so calm about this upcoming reality. Maybe its because I know there is no way to get around it or maybe its because I have no idea whats in store for me.
- My hospital bag is almost packed. I don't have enough maternity clothes to pack them away yet but his clothes, my nursing bras, creams, sugar free candy, socks, etc are all squared away.
- I finally picked a pediatrician who seems great and came highly recommended. They have several locations and are open seven days a week!
- I found a nice dress for my shower, and tomorrow I'm hitting up the mall to find a lotion set for the hostesses. I was going to get them a bracelet with Sunflower's birthstone but a) I'm not sure if he'll come in April or May, and b) April's birthstone? Diamonds. So, yeah- Origins lotions it is.
- I feel like Enfamil and Similac are stalking me. Seriously. I got huge boxes of Enfamil in the mail and my OB office offers me a bag of Similac each time I go and today the pediatrician offered me more too! Maybe I shouldn't have refused some of the free stuff but a) I don't want to formula feed if I can help it and b) the aggressive approach these formula makers use makes my D.A.R.E training from elementary school kick in since I feel like they're pushing me with free samples to hook me. (I hope ya'll remember DARE?)
- In Milk Watch News, Kroger's Milk now expires May 5. Two days away people! I am currently wondering if I'm neurotic enough to go out and buy the milk once it bears my due date. Me thinks I just may be that crazy.
- Speaking of Milk Watch. . . I got a Medala from one of Jack's co-workers for about $75 (obviously will be getting separate accessories for it!) but have been nervous that I'm not really showing signs of impending milk production. A friend suggesting I squeeze and um, yep, there's something in there. This is good news but also amazing to consider that these boobs will soon be working girls not just there to sit and look pretty.
- And- HOLY CRAP this is my 100th post for 2010?! How have I managed to have THAT much to say? Wow.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Two Centimeters
I went to the OB today for my weekly check-up. Last week I was 1 cm dilated, this week I am 2 cm dilated. She said she could feel his head and that he was quite low. What does this mean? I felt hopeful. Nothing, the OB said, you're progressing but we can't predict labor, could be tonight could be in three weeks. Gah. Why check then? Its good I'm progressing so if an induction is in the cards for me at least we're not starting at 0, but I'd really like to go naturally. I know this sounds morbid but with my miscarriages my body went through the process crazy fast. My body is capable of going into labor naturally so if I can stave off being chemically induced that would be ideal. I have a lot of issues with my body and how its let me down in the past few years, but when it comes to evicting, it can certainly do that. I'm asking little guy to come out soon. Ideally Sunday evening- after the baby shower. And on that note, I know I said I wanted one but I'm getting all nervous and fluttery thinking about it. All eyes on me? Not everyone knows each other? Hopefully it goes well. And on an entirely unrelated note, I now waddle. I wish it amused me as much as it amuses those who love me that I am now officially a penguin:
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Pregnancy Girth
Today after a blessedly uneventful MFM visit, the doc said, see you next week unless you have the baby! One can hope but I don't think he's coming out anytime soon. Though I was having frequent contractions that got me giddy with hope, they've gone down in frequency considerably. I feel like the annoying kid in the back of the car Is it time? Now? Are we there yet? What about now? Um, okay, maybe now?
The thing is, I feel like a whale. Yes in the size department, but more so in the, unable-to-move-well-on-land department. My confidence was much helped today by a lovely sales clerk at the grocery store. Wow, she said with wide eyes, you are huge! I smiled politely. I mean it! Are you overdue? That is one gigantic baby you got in there! Golleee! I just stared at her. Granted, she's taking liberties discussing my largeness because I'm pregnant (I hope!) but you know what? Its hurtful to be called ginormous [even if you are].
Speaking of being huge, that is one thing that makes me sad about this pregnancy ending. I've kind of enjoyed not feeling concerned about my weight. Like most people raised in Western society (or its influence) I have striven for thin my whole life. I have judged myself by the size of my jeans and eaten a slice of cake only to feel horrible afterward vowing to remain on Atkins until I'm 70. Today Jack said to me Pregnancy has made you so much less self-conscious. You seem so much more confident. He's right. It's been nice to not hate my body but instead, pat my roundness and feel proud of my expanding curves. But once Sunflower arrives, this changes. We're going to have a ceremony honoring his arrival in July and then in December my cousin is getting married. The pressure to lose weight for these events and get the 'wow you just had a baby? Can't tell!' will be high and I'm already not looking forward to that. Oh well.
Also, thanks for your insight into the last post about the future of this blog. A post on that is forthcoming- that is, unless this baby makes his way out before then! pleasepleaseplease!
The thing is, I feel like a whale. Yes in the size department, but more so in the, unable-to-move-well-on-land department. My confidence was much helped today by a lovely sales clerk at the grocery store. Wow, she said with wide eyes, you are huge! I smiled politely. I mean it! Are you overdue? That is one gigantic baby you got in there! Golleee! I just stared at her. Granted, she's taking liberties discussing my largeness because I'm pregnant (I hope!) but you know what? Its hurtful to be called ginormous [even if you are].
Speaking of being huge, that is one thing that makes me sad about this pregnancy ending. I've kind of enjoyed not feeling concerned about my weight. Like most people raised in Western society (or its influence) I have striven for thin my whole life. I have judged myself by the size of my jeans and eaten a slice of cake only to feel horrible afterward vowing to remain on Atkins until I'm 70. Today Jack said to me Pregnancy has made you so much less self-conscious. You seem so much more confident. He's right. It's been nice to not hate my body but instead, pat my roundness and feel proud of my expanding curves. But once Sunflower arrives, this changes. We're going to have a ceremony honoring his arrival in July and then in December my cousin is getting married. The pressure to lose weight for these events and get the 'wow you just had a baby? Can't tell!' will be high and I'm already not looking forward to that. Oh well.
Also, thanks for your insight into the last post about the future of this blog. A post on that is forthcoming- that is, unless this baby makes his way out before then! pleasepleaseplease!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Kick Count*****
After I hit publish on my previous post, I went to bed. Jack wanted to listen to Sunflower with our doppler. We couldn't find it. After ten minutes, the longest ten where the world went completely pitch silent, we found it, faint at 120 beats a minute. Jack felt satisfied. I didn't. I poked him. Nothing. I jiggled my belly. Nothing. I drank half a glass of OJ. Nothing. I went downstairs and lay on the sofa. Two hours ten kicks is the standard. In two hours he made about 7-8 subtle movements, mostly in response to my pokes. I decided he was alive and somewhat moving so I'd call if he didn't get a little more active in the morning. This morning again, nothing in response to my pokes. he did get the hiccups but Dr. Google says that doesnt count as part of the kick test. The OB advised me to eat breakfast with some OJ and lie on my side and do a kick test for an hour. If that does nothing they'll have me come in for monitoring.
I'm on a parent listserv. Just had the nerves to sign up for it last week. Sometimes people sell things that have never been used like a bumbo or jumparoo. This makes sense, maybe they thought they'd use it but never did. Today I saw someone selling a bouncer, a car seat, a swing, a baby tub, never used. My blood went cold. Why are they selling never used baby things? I think of my living room filled with amazon boxes, the baby registry I'm working on, and. . . yeah, I begin feeling scared shitless.
I get that I shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch. Totally get it. But. For fuck's sake, can't I ever just preen naively, liken myself to a cute walrus and say everything looks good without the universe gut punching me a reminder that nothing is certain?
**He managed the ten movements in an hour after drinking OJ. The nurse was pleased but since then I've felt uneasy. I can feel his little foot which I normally tap and he kicks me back. Now, nada. I've grown used to his routine and its changed. I called and asked if they can monitor me just so I'm not nuts this weekend and she said ok so I'm going in at 2EST. I wish I could say I'm trusting my gut, but I'm not sure I have a gut anymore. Fear has warped it beyond recognition. I'm indulging my paranoia is more like it. But you know what? Better peace of mind and better safe than sorry
*** Thanks for your reassurances, as you predicted, all was well. Ofcourse, as is always the case, one I was strapped on the monitors Sunflower decided to show his dancing skills to the theme of Kung Fu Fighting. I stared helplessly at the OB I swear he wasn't doing that before! The OB said around this stage movements change due to size. Phew. She told me to start kick counts daily and I'm so glad no one made me feel stupid for my fears. Three.More.Weeks.
I'm on a parent listserv. Just had the nerves to sign up for it last week. Sometimes people sell things that have never been used like a bumbo or jumparoo. This makes sense, maybe they thought they'd use it but never did. Today I saw someone selling a bouncer, a car seat, a swing, a baby tub, never used. My blood went cold. Why are they selling never used baby things? I think of my living room filled with amazon boxes, the baby registry I'm working on, and. . . yeah, I begin feeling scared shitless.
I get that I shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch. Totally get it. But. For fuck's sake, can't I ever just preen naively, liken myself to a cute walrus and say everything looks good without the universe gut punching me a reminder that nothing is certain?
**He managed the ten movements in an hour after drinking OJ. The nurse was pleased but since then I've felt uneasy. I can feel his little foot which I normally tap and he kicks me back. Now, nada. I've grown used to his routine and its changed. I called and asked if they can monitor me just so I'm not nuts this weekend and she said ok so I'm going in at 2EST. I wish I could say I'm trusting my gut, but I'm not sure I have a gut anymore. Fear has warped it beyond recognition. I'm indulging my paranoia is more like it. But you know what? Better peace of mind and better safe than sorry
*** Thanks for your reassurances, as you predicted, all was well. Ofcourse, as is always the case, one I was strapped on the monitors Sunflower decided to show his dancing skills to the theme of Kung Fu Fighting. I stared helplessly at the OB I swear he wasn't doing that before! The OB said around this stage movements change due to size. Phew. She told me to start kick counts daily and I'm so glad no one made me feel stupid for my fears. Three.More.Weeks.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
My first pediatrician interview
I knew I needed to pick a pediatrician for little dude so I looked up the ones my insurance takes and set out to interview them. I hate doing it this way. I went through so many bad OBGYNs in my search for answers to my infertility and the one who ultimately helped me was through recommendations. Recommendations are the way to go but unfortunately my friends with babies don't live close to me, plus I am on Tr.ic.are which limits my doc choices exponentially.
So I saw Dr. Ass [not his real name, is my foreshadowing of how this appointment went working?]. I knew things were bad when I first walked in and sat down and heard him shouting down the hallway Hey Gail, ever heard of jiggly eyes being normal? The nurse yelled back no and Dr. A proceeded to tell the nurse (and everyone in the waiting room) the details of this patient's issues. Um, doctor-patient confidentiality anyone? I was tempted to get up and walk out right then and there but I tried reasoning that it was late and maybe he didn't realize anyone else was in the office. Once he closed the room to continue with the patient, I could hear every word through the door. Again- awkward but I thought, how can he know we can hear things through a closed door? It was weird to see the family file past me after the appointment knowing all about their five month old baby. As he led me to his office he said Sorry to keep you waiting but that kid had a looot of ear wax.
We sat down to talk and that's when things got even funner. The first thing he said was Is this your first kid? I nodded. He leaned back and laughed welcome to the real world! it was all just play until now. Nothing pisses me off more than this statement. Still I bit my tongue. He then proceeded to guess my race, my religion, and make stereotypes galore. He said my mother's generation was useless as far as taking care of babies. He said that if I could get a wet nurse until my milk came in that was the way to go. And he assumed I knew nothing. Do you know what a wet nurse is? I nodded. He smirked, oh yeah? Tell me? I told him. Oh wow, you know so much! Did you go to Harvard or Yale? By now I'd stopped smiling and just stared at him with raised eyebrows. We ended our conversation and I left.
How are there people with functioning practices who behave this way? I am bewildered beyond belief. Needless to say, back to the drawing board.
So I saw Dr. Ass [not his real name, is my foreshadowing of how this appointment went working?]. I knew things were bad when I first walked in and sat down and heard him shouting down the hallway Hey Gail, ever heard of jiggly eyes being normal? The nurse yelled back no and Dr. A proceeded to tell the nurse (and everyone in the waiting room) the details of this patient's issues. Um, doctor-patient confidentiality anyone? I was tempted to get up and walk out right then and there but I tried reasoning that it was late and maybe he didn't realize anyone else was in the office. Once he closed the room to continue with the patient, I could hear every word through the door. Again- awkward but I thought, how can he know we can hear things through a closed door? It was weird to see the family file past me after the appointment knowing all about their five month old baby. As he led me to his office he said Sorry to keep you waiting but that kid had a looot of ear wax.
We sat down to talk and that's when things got even funner. The first thing he said was Is this your first kid? I nodded. He leaned back and laughed welcome to the real world! it was all just play until now. Nothing pisses me off more than this statement. Still I bit my tongue. He then proceeded to guess my race, my religion, and make stereotypes galore. He said my mother's generation was useless as far as taking care of babies. He said that if I could get a wet nurse until my milk came in that was the way to go. And he assumed I knew nothing. Do you know what a wet nurse is? I nodded. He smirked, oh yeah? Tell me? I told him. Oh wow, you know so much! Did you go to Harvard or Yale? By now I'd stopped smiling and just stared at him with raised eyebrows. We ended our conversation and I left.
How are there people with functioning practices who behave this way? I am bewildered beyond belief. Needless to say, back to the drawing board.
Monday, April 12, 2010
MFM Update
I have mixed feelings about today's MFM visit:
- Sunflower weighed in at 7lb3oz. After I proceeded to have a heart attack the tech remeasured and revised her estimate to 6lb14oz. 70th percentile. No one except me and Jack seem concerned that this puts him on track to be about 9 pounds at birth.
- My blood pressure was pretty high which is unusual for me since I'm usually on the lower end, on retest I was borderline normal but my ankles are swelling and there was a tiny bit of protein in my urine so they took my blood to make sure I'm not getting preeclampsia.
- While sitting in the waiting room I began having menstrual like cramps to the point that it was hard to breathe through it, but. . .
- A cervix check shows that the baby has not dropped and while slightly soft, my cervix is only dilated a fingertip so. .
- Labor aint coming no time soon, I'm just having good old fashioned braxton hicks.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Anxiety
My MFM appointment went well. The tech sucked and we got no pictures but the important thing is Sunflower is doing great. He was sucking his fingers, karate chopping me and taking in huge gulps of fluid but I was surprised by his heart rate,167, since its usually in the 140s. The doctor was not concerned saying that baby heart rates fluctuate. But I felt a little guilty.
You see, I hate to admit it, but I'm getting a little nervous. I hope that my nerves are not the reason his heart rate is higher and I'm trying to control the anxiety as best I can. According to what I've read preggos at my stage often feel needy, vulnerable and lonely in the final weeks to labor- I'm feeling exactly this. I can't figure out why. Jack is supportive, we've bought almost everything we'll need, and though my friend circle isn't what it was I have caring friends always a phone call away. So I should not be feeling these feelings.
It started Friday. Some friends were discussing planning a LOST finale party since its in the final season when it hit me: LOST ends May 27. Sunflower will be here! Then today at the MFM they mentioned they don't want me going past my due date and if my cervix is ripe they want to induce me at 39 weeks. That's three weeks away. My stomach is full of a thousand butterflies just typing that.
I can't make sense of the nerves. I want my baby. I've been waiting for years to meet him. So how can the knowledge that this is finally going to happen freaking me out? I think I'm anxious about labor, breastfeeding, knowing how to care for him, I mean sure I've read a ton of books but that's all theory. I'm nervous about how much we're spending and how I don't have a job. Nervous that the house is still messy post-painter and I lack the energy to clean as I should. Nervous because his nursery looks like a tragic war zone. Just flat out nervous and its seriously making me breathe shallow and my tummy hurt. And then this makes me nervous because I shouldn't be feeling this way and I wonder what is wrong with me? and I proceed to have anxiety about my anxiety!
My mom reminded me that most of what I'm doing is for me not him. He doesn't care about bed ruffles or monkeys on the walls, the perfect onesie, or how messy our living room is. He just wants to be loved, fed and have a place to sleep. I'm trying to reign in the anxiety by taking walks, deep breathing and figuring out what else to do. It's such a weird mind-body disconnect because I am anxiously counting down to the due date but now I'm also anxiously nervous about the due date.
I hesitate even posting this. I feel I've said all this before in many different ways and I probably sound ungrateful. While I may be repetitive I'm not ungrateful. I love Sunflower more than I knew I could. I don't want to feel this way- I just do. Sigh.
You see, I hate to admit it, but I'm getting a little nervous. I hope that my nerves are not the reason his heart rate is higher and I'm trying to control the anxiety as best I can. According to what I've read preggos at my stage often feel needy, vulnerable and lonely in the final weeks to labor- I'm feeling exactly this. I can't figure out why. Jack is supportive, we've bought almost everything we'll need, and though my friend circle isn't what it was I have caring friends always a phone call away. So I should not be feeling these feelings.
It started Friday. Some friends were discussing planning a LOST finale party since its in the final season when it hit me: LOST ends May 27. Sunflower will be here! Then today at the MFM they mentioned they don't want me going past my due date and if my cervix is ripe they want to induce me at 39 weeks. That's three weeks away. My stomach is full of a thousand butterflies just typing that.
I can't make sense of the nerves. I want my baby. I've been waiting for years to meet him. So how can the knowledge that this is finally going to happen freaking me out? I think I'm anxious about labor, breastfeeding, knowing how to care for him, I mean sure I've read a ton of books but that's all theory. I'm nervous about how much we're spending and how I don't have a job. Nervous that the house is still messy post-painter and I lack the energy to clean as I should. Nervous because his nursery looks like a tragic war zone. Just flat out nervous and its seriously making me breathe shallow and my tummy hurt. And then this makes me nervous because I shouldn't be feeling this way and I wonder what is wrong with me? and I proceed to have anxiety about my anxiety!
My mom reminded me that most of what I'm doing is for me not him. He doesn't care about bed ruffles or monkeys on the walls, the perfect onesie, or how messy our living room is. He just wants to be loved, fed and have a place to sleep. I'm trying to reign in the anxiety by taking walks, deep breathing and figuring out what else to do. It's such a weird mind-body disconnect because I am anxiously counting down to the due date but now I'm also anxiously nervous about the due date.
I hesitate even posting this. I feel I've said all this before in many different ways and I probably sound ungrateful. While I may be repetitive I'm not ungrateful. I love Sunflower more than I knew I could. I don't want to feel this way- I just do. Sigh.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Labor and Delivery Tour
We went on our Labor and Delivery tour today. We saw the labor rooms, the aftercare rooms, the nursery. It was all relayed so matter-of-fact and yet the entire time this hormonal preggo was choking back tears. I know that 35 weeks into this pregnancy this should all feel pretty fucking real but I'm still taken aback as to how it hits me as though anew- this is happening. I saw the check-in desk, the wheelchairs lined up, the storks outside of new mother's rooms. Soon, I will check in. I will sit in a wheelchair. There will be a stork outside my room. I thought by now I'd feel ho-hum, but nearly every single day I have a moment be it running my hand on a onesie, or walking past his crib where it all hits me as though for the first time this baby is real, he's coming, he's going to be mine-- no, he's already mine. Standing in the very hospital I used to drive past on my way to work and feel an ache, I wonder when will I wake up from this dream? I wonder when will all this feel old and something I take for granted? Because surely that time will come. Will it be in the final days? Will it be after the tenth diaper change? I'm beginning to think this is the one gift IF and loss has given me, the constant awe and wonder. I know I'm fortunate- so fortunate, that words can't fully capture it.
[And in other non-sentimental news- once these emotions washed over me, I then stared in panic at the birthing room, and the stirrups, and the bags of pitocin in the fridge and suddenly this ostrich has lifted her head from the sand and um, holy shit! What is coming out of WHERE? and WHEN? My Braxton Hicks are now different- whereas once they simply tightened painlessly, now there is a subtle pressure despite the continued irregularity. Oh yes, this is really happening. Oh yes- someone needs to figure out a plan and soon!]
[And in other non-sentimental news- once these emotions washed over me, I then stared in panic at the birthing room, and the stirrups, and the bags of pitocin in the fridge and suddenly this ostrich has lifted her head from the sand and um, holy shit! What is coming out of WHERE? and WHEN? My Braxton Hicks are now different- whereas once they simply tightened painlessly, now there is a subtle pressure despite the continued irregularity. Oh yes, this is really happening. Oh yes- someone needs to figure out a plan and soon!]
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Oh Baby
Apparently I''m not the only one who thinks I swallowed Jupiter. My step-OB today had a gentle talk with me about my ahem, weight gain. I've officially gained 40 pounds, up 3 pounds from two weeks ago. My belly is measuring two weeks ahead and step-OB predicts I'll be having an 8+ lb baby. Keep the tags on your baby clothes, he said. When I laughed, he looked at me sternly, I'm not kidding. Yikes. Am I seriously in danger of birthing a baby so large he won't fit into 0-3 month clothes?! [Speaking of clothes- I found the cutest baby boy clothes at bargain prices at The Children's Place outlet today. If you're having a boy you must check it out $3 plaid shorts that will make you turn to mush!]I told him my numbers are within range though higher than they once were. He said I need to be stricter on eating low-cal food and cutting out potatoes and toast entirely despite the lack of effect it has on my sugar levels. I love little guy no matter how little or big he is, but the thought of birthing a toddler does terrify me. Here's hoping a diet change can help keep Sunflower growing as he should.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Bye Bye Lovenox and. . . aspirin?
In about a week I say goodbye to Lovenox. The drug that despite taking daily for months on end still hurts like I'm injecting fire through my bloodstream. I'm glad I'm so far along its almost time to stop but I'm not looking forward to switching to heparin which I will take twice daily and must measure myself. In addition to lovenox I take a daily dose of baby aspirin. I've asked each doctor I see when to stop and each doctor defers to the other. When I finally realized the circle of "ask your mom" "ask your dad" they each gave me different end dates (1) stop now and (2) stop at 36 weeks (3) Feel free to take until delivery. I thought I'd ask y'all if you have taken baby aspirin at what point did you stop taking it? And, is Heparin. . . not so bad? Does taking it mean I'll have extra wires when I go into labor, or is it really not that big of a deal?
Monday, March 22, 2010
Perspective
Note to ICLWers, pregnancy mentioned here, the gushy mushy sort that once made me want to hurt small animals [not really- but you get what I mean]
I woke up to a call from a friend who lives far away, due for a C-section today. She called from the hospital bed to tell me about her healthy baby girl born just hours ago. I felt touched she thought of me- and so happy for her good news.
I logged on today and ordered a bouncer from Amazon with a gift card from a dear bloggy friend. I'm touched beyond measure.
Jack and I went out for lunch before the MFM appointment. We talked about the whole friend situation. R behaved rudely based on a misconception, and while it hurts I can at least learn from it and make sure I don't shut people out before knowing where they're coming from. Maybe right now we're experiencing a slight friendship lull, but today I was reminded that we do have people who care for us even if they don't live here. And maybe if we ever find a group of friends here we fully connect with, this lull will help us appreciate them all the more.
As we finished our lunch I noticed an old man having lunch with his daughter. He was hunched over with large glasses texting on a large cell phone. I found it odd such an old man texting so intently. When he got up to leave I saw his face and realized he was not an old man but a teenage boy, emaciated and bald from cancer. The woman I thought his daughter was his mother.
The most sobering perspective of all.
It suddenly felt incredibly foolish to lament the passing of friendships, when in truth I'm blessed to have the friends and support I do. When in truth some friendships are meant to come and go. The things that have made my heart feel heavy this weekend should not do so because as long as I have Jack and I get to see this precious face and be told that all is going smoothly and that he is healthy and well,
then my life is pretty darn spectacular and I have nothing to complain about. Not one single thing.
I woke up to a call from a friend who lives far away, due for a C-section today. She called from the hospital bed to tell me about her healthy baby girl born just hours ago. I felt touched she thought of me- and so happy for her good news.
I logged on today and ordered a bouncer from Amazon with a gift card from a dear bloggy friend. I'm touched beyond measure.
Jack and I went out for lunch before the MFM appointment. We talked about the whole friend situation. R behaved rudely based on a misconception, and while it hurts I can at least learn from it and make sure I don't shut people out before knowing where they're coming from. Maybe right now we're experiencing a slight friendship lull, but today I was reminded that we do have people who care for us even if they don't live here. And maybe if we ever find a group of friends here we fully connect with, this lull will help us appreciate them all the more.
As we finished our lunch I noticed an old man having lunch with his daughter. He was hunched over with large glasses texting on a large cell phone. I found it odd such an old man texting so intently. When he got up to leave I saw his face and realized he was not an old man but a teenage boy, emaciated and bald from cancer. The woman I thought his daughter was his mother.
The most sobering perspective of all.
It suddenly felt incredibly foolish to lament the passing of friendships, when in truth I'm blessed to have the friends and support I do. When in truth some friendships are meant to come and go. The things that have made my heart feel heavy this weekend should not do so because as long as I have Jack and I get to see this precious face and be told that all is going smoothly and that he is healthy and well,
then my life is pretty darn spectacular and I have nothing to complain about. Not one single thing.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
MFM Update
My MFM visit went well but we got no good pics because he was super active! Kicking, squirming, punching. Adorable. He weighs 4lb6oz (43rd percentile) so as of now he's not giganto GD baby. Phew. Dr. MFM said tentatively, now we'll need you to start coming in for weekly ultrasounds to check growth and ensure proper blood flow. Hope that's okay? That's like telling a pothead their company is relocating to Amsterdam. Of course its fine!
I had a good chuckle later at Target when I saw a "Baby Book" to record mementos including a page with one square for my ultrasound picture. A dear friend just had her 20 week u/s and her OB told her enjoy it, it's the last you'll see your baby until he arrives! She's a fertile myrtle and though I admit I sometimes feel envy towards her ease at procreation- I do feel rather smug at how often I get to visit my little one. Hey- its the one perk I get to being a high-risk preggo so I may as well savor it to the last drop.
I had a good chuckle later at Target when I saw a "Baby Book" to record mementos including a page with one square for my ultrasound picture. A dear friend just had her 20 week u/s and her OB told her enjoy it, it's the last you'll see your baby until he arrives! She's a fertile myrtle and though I admit I sometimes feel envy towards her ease at procreation- I do feel rather smug at how often I get to visit my little one. Hey- its the one perk I get to being a high-risk preggo so I may as well savor it to the last drop.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Spotting, Inducing, Slings
I've gotten very comfortable in this pregnancy. According to my OB too comfortable. You see, I've been brown spotting all weekend. I didn't mention it because I'm not feeling contractions so surely things are okay? I called today to tell the OB just because it was three days on and they called me in immediately. It worked out since I was due for my 32 week check up anyways. The cervix seems closed and she ordered a fFN test and the MFM will measure my cervix Wednesday to make sure all is well. I got a stern lecture to call when things are wonky since brown spotting is not normal, but in good news on the GD front she's happy with my numbers so I no longer have to test for ketones in the morning and only have to check my blood sugar twice a day. My fingers are pleased.
I told her I really wanted her to deliver my baby. She said thats possible if we induce and she'd be open to inducing me in the 39th or 40th week. I feel since I have GD I'd be induced anyways so why not plan it? Is there some harm in doing this that I'm missing? At the end of the day I just want my baby and want to feel confident in the doctor delivering the baby.
I'm having issues walking lately. I feel like the Tin Man in Oz and my upper right leg by the pelvic area is in need of a good oiling. It seriously feels like it creaks as I walk. Dr. D told me its my belly weight. I dont know. I barely move lately. A painter has been in our house for over a week changing our popcorn ceilings to smooth and painting a few rooms and has essentially turned our house into what looks like twister came through so we're living out of a guest room and are moving as much as slugs do on any given day. Can't wait until he's done. This nesting phenomenen is weird. We've lived in this house for over five years and none of the imperfections bothered me until now. I mean, is Sunflower going to raise his eyes with disgust at popcorn ceilings or scratches on the walls? Very odd.
In purchasing news, I decided to return my Balboa Sling since it looks like the type that the advisory was targeting (and the baby in the picture looks so disturbed!) and I'm considering getting a Moby wrap, but its looking mighty complicated with lots of crossing over and tying. I was the last kindergartner to master the art of shoe tying and that hasn't really improved with time. I really wanted a wrap I could quickly put on to take baby out and about and the Moby looks a bit unweildy. Do any of you use a wrap/sling that you can just kind of toss on when heading out?
I told her I really wanted her to deliver my baby. She said thats possible if we induce and she'd be open to inducing me in the 39th or 40th week. I feel since I have GD I'd be induced anyways so why not plan it? Is there some harm in doing this that I'm missing? At the end of the day I just want my baby and want to feel confident in the doctor delivering the baby.
I'm having issues walking lately. I feel like the Tin Man in Oz and my upper right leg by the pelvic area is in need of a good oiling. It seriously feels like it creaks as I walk. Dr. D told me its my belly weight. I dont know. I barely move lately. A painter has been in our house for over a week changing our popcorn ceilings to smooth and painting a few rooms and has essentially turned our house into what looks like twister came through so we're living out of a guest room and are moving as much as slugs do on any given day. Can't wait until he's done. This nesting phenomenen is weird. We've lived in this house for over five years and none of the imperfections bothered me until now. I mean, is Sunflower going to raise his eyes with disgust at popcorn ceilings or scratches on the walls? Very odd.
In purchasing news, I decided to return my Balboa Sling since it looks like the type that the advisory was targeting (and the baby in the picture looks so disturbed!) and I'm considering getting a Moby wrap, but its looking mighty complicated with lots of crossing over and tying. I was the last kindergartner to master the art of shoe tying and that hasn't really improved with time. I really wanted a wrap I could quickly put on to take baby out and about and the Moby looks a bit unweildy. Do any of you use a wrap/sling that you can just kind of toss on when heading out?
Friday, March 12, 2010
32 Weeks
32 weeks! At this stage Sunflower has a 98% chance of survival and a reduced risk of serious long term disabilities. I would do a happy dance except I'd likely end up doing a happy duck waddle which is decidedly uncool.
I'm giddy about next week. The painting and other work around the house will hopefully be done by Monday, and then I have my 32 week checkups! I get to see my real OB not the Cinderella-esque step-OB's I've been rotating with for the past few months. I have a list of questions ten miles long to ask her. I'm impatiently awaiting the MFM appointment so I can see little dude again. I hope he is still in his locked and loaded head-down position he's been in since week 16 and hopefully I'll be told he does not weigh ten pounds thanks to GD.
Thanks for your encouragement in my previous post to start buying things. Today, I finally did. I ordered a car seat and stroller frame and Saturday we are seriously considering buying the crib. I ordered a sling too but apparently it can suffocate your baby? So now I'm not sure what to do. I'm now seeing the practical side of having a baby shower. I wish I hadn't so adamantly said no to my friends in the past because now I get it. The one friend who offered who I'd be comfortable back peddling with saying, um you know how I said I didn't want one, well now I do? is currently in the middle of bad marital issues, so not exactly good timing. Oh well. We're being careful with our purchases and making sure to buy good but affordable things (Amazon way cheaper than brick-n-mortar stores btw). My mom is giving us a generous amount that will help us buy the crib and all crib related things plus a pack-n-play. And maybe we'll get some gift cards post-baby that at least can offset the cost of diapers and other necessities that will surely continue to arise.
I got a call today from my cousin asking when she can buy tickets to come for two weeks after the baby. My mom is putting in her vacation request tomorrow. And I'm buying stuff. This is becoming real. As real as the little butt that is currently wiggling against the top of my uterus right now. I know I've been pregnant for 32 weeks, but its today that the giddy is hitting, the omigod the nursery is totally going to be monkey themed, the why haven't I signed up for birthing classes? OMG a baby is going to come out of where?!?
Yep, its finally hitting- and I am so thankful.
I'm giddy about next week. The painting and other work around the house will hopefully be done by Monday, and then I have my 32 week checkups! I get to see my real OB not the Cinderella-esque step-OB's I've been rotating with for the past few months. I have a list of questions ten miles long to ask her. I'm impatiently awaiting the MFM appointment so I can see little dude again. I hope he is still in his locked and loaded head-down position he's been in since week 16 and hopefully I'll be told he does not weigh ten pounds thanks to GD.
Thanks for your encouragement in my previous post to start buying things. Today, I finally did. I ordered a car seat and stroller frame and Saturday we are seriously considering buying the crib. I ordered a sling too but apparently it can suffocate your baby? So now I'm not sure what to do. I'm now seeing the practical side of having a baby shower. I wish I hadn't so adamantly said no to my friends in the past because now I get it. The one friend who offered who I'd be comfortable back peddling with saying, um you know how I said I didn't want one, well now I do? is currently in the middle of bad marital issues, so not exactly good timing. Oh well. We're being careful with our purchases and making sure to buy good but affordable things (Amazon way cheaper than brick-n-mortar stores btw). My mom is giving us a generous amount that will help us buy the crib and all crib related things plus a pack-n-play. And maybe we'll get some gift cards post-baby that at least can offset the cost of diapers and other necessities that will surely continue to arise.
I got a call today from my cousin asking when she can buy tickets to come for two weeks after the baby. My mom is putting in her vacation request tomorrow. And I'm buying stuff. This is becoming real. As real as the little butt that is currently wiggling against the top of my uterus right now. I know I've been pregnant for 32 weeks, but its today that the giddy is hitting, the omigod the nursery is totally going to be monkey themed, the why haven't I signed up for birthing classes? OMG a baby is going to come out of where?!?
Yep, its finally hitting- and I am so thankful.
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