Friday, April 9, 2010

36 Weeks

36 weeks. 28 days to go. 4 weeks until my due date. 1 week to full term.

It's hard to grasp how close this all is. This entire pregnancy, time has felt amorphous, as Eve so eloquently put it it: 10 days sounds more like 10 years to me. The impending delivery of the twins is abstract from time, like the way my son understands time. He knows what a day is, what tomorrow is, and yesterday, but beyond that…a week may as well be eight weeks, a month may as well be a year.

I'm getting rounder both in stomach and face and I now officially waddle. I'm psyched about this 37th week as I get to find out if Sunflower weighs 20 pounds and my OB visits become weekly. Why? Because his arrival is just around the corner! And as nervous as I may sometimes feel about my parenting abilities, the physical discomfort helps me grow increasingly eager for him to come on out and meet me!

This week was kind of rough. Thanks, as always, for holding my hand. This weekend, my in-laws are visiting. They're on the smile offensive right now since we stopped contact after their behavior in November. MIL asked Jack the other day please let us know when the baby is born. They're getting nervous. She told Jack I'm not to cook as she plans to come and cook enough for the following days and weeks. She's a splendid cook so I'm not complaining about her offer but am suspicious since in 8 years, through law school and miscarriages she's never offered this before. I know she's trying to be nice so she can have an edge back into our lives. I'm hopeful, but wary since last time we spoke she said when you have contractions let us know and we'll drive to the hospital. This after Jack already told them we'll call them when we want them to visit. Luckily Jack and I are on the same wave length MIL WILL NOT be in the delivery room. Not. Happening. I'm hopeful that since they'll be trying to make nice, this weekend will go well. MIL can be very nice if she's in the mood and regardless of motive, I'll take it. FIL is always difficult to take- but he can't help it, I take it less personally.

This was the weekend I went to my in-laws last year. This Sunday last year I lay in their guest room and felt blood. Monday last year I miscarried. I can't believe its been a year but I'm focusing on what I have, not what I don't have. Tuesday, April 13, the anniversary of the miscarriage I have OB visits, pediatrician visits, and lunch with a friend. My hope is packing the day will minimize the urge to wallow and feel sad. I will certainly not fight the sadness if it hits me because Rain, after all, is only rain; it is not bad weather. So also, pain is only pain, unless we resist it, then it becomes torment. -I Ching.

I hope you all are doing well. Here's to week 37. I hope this week flies by as quickly as it can. Of course having said that. . . sigh!


  1. hi there...just curious, but if it's too personal, i come your FIL can't help being difficult to take?

  2. Hi Lilly, no its not too personal! It's kind of complicated, you'd have to know him to fully understand but over the years I've come to be almost fully convinced he may have asperger's or falls somewhere on the autism spectrum. I TRULY hope I'm wrong since that scares me since it means its a genetic issue in the family and I worry what it may mean for sunflower... but truly he doesn't get sarcasm, he doesn't get facial expressions, he can't look you in the eye, he never smiles and he is truthful to embarrassment (i.e. if you ask him 'how are you' and if he's constipated he will tell you in excruciating details the workings of his bowel movements. He has a lot of rituals and he needs routine.

    He may not have this but if he doesn't he has something else, he's got an issue he can't control, and you can tell, he's an unhappy person down to the core and its so severe it makes you sad... because he doesn't enjoy life- at all. He will see our baby and not see a lovely innocent baby but instead will likely find the baby acne and freak out about what it may mean. He will hyperventilate that the car seat isn't attached properly, or te car behind us is driving too close- he will not in any way shape or form find it in his power to simply enjoy a beautiful moment. It makes me feel sorry for him.

    Soemtimes I think my MIL is as she is because of having spent so many years of her life with him. Her brothers and sisters (Jack's aunts and uncles) are sweet and wonderful people.

    At first I would grow so angry at him for the things he would say and how he reacted to things but I honestly think he can't help it.

    So when he says things- I get frustrated but how can I be angry at him? He's trapped in a prison of his own unhappiness and as much as the things he may say might hurt me, he is blind to his actions. It's sad really.

    Hope that makes some kind of sense.

  3. Week 37! So exciting! I'm glad you have plans to stay busy on the 13th. Sometimes it's all we can do, and even though it's not enough, it's better to be prepared for it than to have it sneak up on us. I hope the inlaws are on their best behavior and that she doesn't get her nose bent out of shape by the no-MIL-in-the-delivery-room restrictions. I'm sure they're simply over-the-moon about having a new grandbaby, and I hope it eases some of the tensions.

    (Week 37! oh my, you're almost there!)

  4. Yeah week 36!

    My OB is letting me go to my due date. How come our doctors do everything differently? But I have to go for those pain in the ass NSTs twice a week because of GD.

    It sounds like a good sign that the in laws are trying to be more involved. Time will tell :)

  5. Congrats on Week 37!! You're little guy will be here soon...yay!!!

    Good luck with your in laws this week. If it gets to much, just excuse yourself to a room alone and spend time with Sunflower - I'm sure he can turn any bad situation into an amazing one with his little kicks!

  6. Wow K- I've got watery eyes, because it has been such a journey and I've SO enjoyed following it (through three blogs nontheless!) Wow. As for your inlaws, it's such a blessing that Jack is on your side, that's how it is in our house too, we are united- but I know for others they are not... Best of luck in dealing with them, I just hope they don't hurt you again, you deserve to be able to enjoy these last few weeks with Mr. Sunflower so close to you.

  7. Are you sugars always elevated by 5-10? also, what is your cut off number? My doctor doesn't want me going over 140 after meals and 90 fasting. My numbers go up a few times a week but they come back down. Sometimes for no reason they are great and then sometimes for no reason they are lousy. It is hard for me to give a crap lately. I am so hungry!! are you hungry at all? I wake up in the middle of the night and want to eat a 4-course meal!! I seriously don't know how V is growing ( I mean I wonder if he is even average size. THe doc said my uterus is spot on...but I can't help but feel nervous that I am not eating enough for him).

    Only 4 more weeks *does a dance* 3 more weeks for you girlie *does a dance* No more GD and testing and dieting.

    Yeah, I don't know why I have to the NSTs. He said because of GD. *pfft*

  8. I feel as though I am always repeating myself, but I just can't believe you're almost there. Could you get any more excited?

    Ugh on the in-law's thing. My previous in-law's, SS's grandparents...omg...seriously, I wish I'd moved to another country after we divorced. I love them, but then...and MIL was the absolute worst. In different ways than yours, but's can make things so difficult. I don't anticipate they'll change, so I won't waste my hope on that, but I do hope they somehow they get more tolerable.