It appears I wrote about my baby shower issues on my old blog. To recap, with my first pregnancy I was so excited about the whole process that when my friend insisted on throwing me a shower upon hearing about the two lines on the pregnancy test I had even made out a whole list and browsed two registries! My SIL upon hearing about it snidely pointed out that baby showers are a bad idea because you never know what can go wrong and such a gathering is counting chickens before hatching. I rolled my eyes at her and then miscarried the next day.
Two miscarriages under my belt later, when I began telling people the news, two friends offered to throw me one. I said no its okay, I don't need one. Why? I had several reasons (1) My SIL's words were stuck in my head and I was still scared at 20 weeks when the shower was offered (2) I had such a long aversion to showers due to IF and loss I felt weird having one (3) I'm kind of a shy person and it feels weird to say yes throw me a shower dammit and being the center of attention and asking for gifts. (4) Jack was not enthusiastic about me having one because he was struggling with the same fears. (5) I was planning to have a cultural rite of passage for the baby upon his birth where you throw a party and feed the poor to celebrate the baby's arrival.
So I said no. One never asked again. The other- did- and I hesitatingly said yes around week 28 because I was slowly believing in the pregnancy and Jack too thought I should have one. This friend was super excited and told me to send her a list of the guests and then had marital problems and moved out of town. She just got back into town last Friday and it appears her marriage is here to stay.
I get that it was my choice to say no to the baby shower offers. But the looks of pity that I'm not having one are starting to get to me. I miss the close friends I have that live far away that wouldn't have cared if I had said yes or no to their offer simply because they knew me and knew that sooner or later I'd regret not having one (as they pointed out numerous times, as did, ahem, many of you). I'm starting to regret it. I have most of what he needs- so its beyond a gift grab thing- it just feels I've somehow missed out an important acknowledgment.
I am having a post-baby celebration. At least that's the plan. Who knows how I'll feel once baby actually arrives and I'm working on no sleep? So this should be enough right? I'm possibly having lunch with the two girls who'd offered me a shower months earlier and part of me is tempted to backtrack and say I feel more comfortable now and if maybe in two weeks. . . but then, two weeks is not a long time to get a baby shower ready, I said no earlier, and its kind of too late, they'll be annoyed, the end of April I'll be 38 weeks pregnant, possibly already with baby in tow, so its too late.