We went to a Superbowl party today. Jack had a private conversation with the host many months ago about our miscarriages, the only person Jack confided in. The host shared that his wife had lost a child at 25 weeks gestation. I was looking forward to meeting his wife because I wanted to get to know someone 'in real life' who had experienced loss and who perhaps I could become friends with and be able to talk about this part of my life, but I didn't quite imagine it would go the way it did.
The men were in the basement, we were in the family room. We were discussing pregnancy as a group and I mentioned I find myself more nervous than other people, and she said yeah my husband told me about your losses. She then went into her own story, but I kind of felt shell shocked. I wrote earlier about inching out of the closet but I felt a bit flung right then. I really like this woman but it felt like I was sitting there with no clothes on at that moment.
She lost her child ten years earlier. She now has four children. She said her loss happened for a reason. I would want to pummel other people for this tired cliche but how can I begrudge someone who used this phrase to get through their own loss? As we were leaving she got my contact information and said, I know I seem okay with this now but it happened ten years ago and I have four healthy children. I am not so sure it would have been this easy to accept what happened otherwise.
I have to admit something though. I know we need to talk about IF and loss as a society. We have to take it upon ourselves to break the chain of silence. But. It is very weird to be out. It is very weird to discuss why you likely won't have a shower. I'm out. I'm glad maybe someday someone might think of me and know they're not alone in their IF/loss journey. But. In the meantime, being this exposed feels. . . uncomfortable.