Friday, February 5, 2010

27 weeks and going inactive

27 weeks. According to baby-gaga at this point in a healthy pregnancy a premature child (with intensive care) could easily win on the show: “Survivor: The Early Years.” Last night I had a nightmare that I had my baby and kept forgetting to feed him. He also never pooped and I only noticed a week into his birth! I woke up so happy because I was having a fear about being a mom dream! That means my subconscious is starting to believe this is going to happen [albiet being a bit of a spazz] and that makes me happy to no end.

I'm finally hitting my stride. Finally feeling peace settle over me. Despite the gloomy weather I've managed to be depression-free for a while. A friend recommended a daily dose of Cod Liver oil as both a good source of Omega 3 but also to alleviate depression. I'm not sure if that's the reason I feel better lately but I'm grateful for my emotional betterment since as I said in the last post, the physical discomfort is coming at me full steam.

I'm calling the State Bar today to go inactive. I doubt I'll be practicing law this year and its cheaper to be inactive. I find it fitting to go inactive since I really am inactive in the truest sense of the word. Lately with physical discomfort ramping up I find myself doing a lot of reading, writing and television viewing. I envisioned my time off work and pre-baby to be filled with organizing, packing and stacking and while I have done some of that, I mostly find myself inactive. After having spent the majority of my life go-go-go, it feels weird to be so out of commission. I like to tell myself that despite this seeming inactivity, I am baking a child so at all times I am engaged in some sort of activity.

After sunflower gets here, I plan to be a stay at home mom (SAHM) for at least the first few years of Sunflower's life. Jack is fine with this though he worries I'll get bored. My family is disappointed I'm giving up on my legal career after all the investment. As you know I have a book that's currently being shopped but even if it sells, debut authors shouldn't quit their day jobs as book advances are down lately. These things make me feel guilty and there are days I miss earning my own paycheck and wearing dress up clothes but I feel I'm making the best choice for me. I'm considering Sunny my SAHM role model: If its what you want to do and it makes you happy, then don't let comparing yourself to others get you down.


  1. aaaahhhh! i dont' know how i got so behind on my reading and commenting over the last few weeks...your post about your little bug was very touching; of course you would never knowingly do anything to harm your little ones, but the anxiety and pain lingers, i know. sometimes we are harder on ourselves than we'd ever be to anyone else.

    i was actually thinking about your lady bug the other day b/c i'm thinking her due date would have been sometime around now-ish and i was wondering how you're doing.

    also, i'm sorry to read about your increasing aches and pains. ugh. with so many weeks ahead of us, it's hard to imagine feeling crappy for so long, i'm sure. i hope this is more of a phase than the way it will be for the duration of your pregnancy.

    wishing you all the best always, lilly

  2. WOOHOO for 27 weeks! (Though your post title that you were going inactive had me terrified!!!) I, too, plan on being a SAHM for at least a few years, and you know what? Revel in it. We are so lucky that we have the choice, and I have a feeling that it's going to be a blast.

  3. you should absolutely do in life what makes you happy. you've clearly worked very hard, you do have a law degree after all, you've earned the right to be happy and if stay at home mom/author is what you want makes you happy then that's what you should do!

  4. I think having the option to be a SAHM if you want to be is great. I also have worked hard toward my career, but I have worked even harder for this little miracle I have growing inside. Many people have made comments about my decision to stay home once the baby is born, but that is my decision and to each their own.

  5. I too think that having the option of being a SAHM is great - we do not have that option so I do not even fantasize about it!

    I hear you about going all the time - I practice in a large firm and it was so hard for me to quit working early and going on disability but it was the best for me and for Sugar and Spice! I do have to say that they have been wonderful and over-the-top supportive of me and this pregnancy - mostly because I have given them my life, blood, sweat and tears!

  6. I will buy your book! :) You also need to move Mr. Sunflowers 'timeline' over to the top of your posts, he's off the edge on the side, we can't see him anymore! :)

  7. Thanks for the heads up on the devil injection. So i don't need to ice before hand cool. Hopefully I will find a non-brusing place, if not no big deal but at least I know this is normal. Hey when I get pregnant and if I have to continue, I'll get used to it. So used to it man.

  8. Congrats on 27 weeks! You are really getting up there. As the weeks slowly tick by, I often find it comforting to think of famous babies whose gestation I pass -- like Josey Duggar and approaching Octomom and the Gosselins. So they may not be my role models, but their kiddos are happy and healthy!

    And speaking of role models, that Sunny sounds like quite a fab chick. ;) We only get one chance at this life, why not seize the opportunity to be happy? You never know when that law degree will come into play in the future. Congrats on your decision!

  9. 27 weeks was when I started feeling so much better too. Glad you're gaining hope again!
    I didn't realize you're a lawyer. You decision to go inactive makes sense. And although you plan to stay at home, There's always the option to pick your old career back up if you find that you need different intellectual stimulation or that you miss the work. If not, maybe you can do more writing while you're a SAHM. Play it by ear a little bit!