Anemia, Gestational Diabetes, and the blame game

I went to refill my prenatal prescription and found out my doctor called in an order of iron supplements for me. Huh? After a phone call to the OB I learned I'm also anemic. I guess with all the hooplah about having GD they forgot to tell me that minor detail. I've been told anemia makes you feel really tired and that makes me feel better because lately I feel like a three toed sloth forced to live like the humans. Still- I wish they had mentioned it. I just happened to have been a few days late filling my prenatal and the prescription was called in today. Had I not gone in, I'd not have known until perhaps much later.

Thank you SO much for your advice about GD and calling my doctor's office. Some people mentioned pushing for the three-hour. I would do that except that my insurance ends Friday and I'm afraid of going in for the test and getting positive results during my insurance lapse when I can't do anything about it. I'm signed up for a half day nutrition session tomorrow and hopefully the nurse can order my testing strips before the end of the week so insurance will pay for that too.

One positive of having been married almost 8 years before having a child is you have worked through a lot of your ish before the baby arrives. We used to argue and get dramatic quite frequently in the first few years of marriage but in the past two years I can count on one hand the number of serious arguments we've had. For this reason I was a bit dumbfounded by the argument we almost had last night. I was sitting in bed when I realized I had not eaten something before bedtime. I usually have a glass of milk with nuts per the GD diet. As I got up he said you're just so chill about this whole diagnosis. I looked at him confused. You knew you were going to have GD based on your history and you chose to eat pizza and other bad things for you. If you had been healthier you could have prevented this.

In the first year of marriage I would have started yelling at him but instead, I just took a deep breath and went downstairs to get my snack and cool down. I understand he's frustrated. He gets to be on the outside while I bake the baby and he's very health conscious and its true- I did eat more unhealthy than I ever had while pregnant. This isn't to say I was sitting there eating pints of ice cream but I was eating what I wanted when I wanted. I ate things that have been on my no-no list for years like Pizza Hut. Considering I have a history of diabetes and GD in my family and I had PCOS I should have been more vigilant. But at the same time I don't know if all the vigilance in the world would have prevented this. He was apologetic when I came back upstairs, but his apology feels hollow to me because I know he meant what he said.

Since getting pregnant I've been able to push aside all the emotions that come with having PCOS but now with the GD diagnosis its all coming back to me. My doctor told me I could cure PCOS by losing weight. I was ten pounds over my ideal BMI. Jack was at that appointment and he's reminded me ever since that I have PCOS because of my weight though research also shows you can have weight issues because of PCOS. I tried for years to lose those ten pounds, and let me tell you staying ten pounds overweight (and not more) was a struggle. Metformin helped a lot. I suddenly could see the results of my hard work and through diet and exercise my weight did start going down like normal people's do when they eat right and work out- ofcourse I got pregnant and lost pregnancies for the duration of that year so I never fully lost those ten pounds but with Metformin I saw it was possible to finally lose the weight.

This whole GD thing is taking me back there. To the place of guilt. To the place of: its my fault and I may have caused this to happen. I'm fighting the guilt because guilt does me no good but I'm tired of my family, my doctor, my husband pointing fingers at me. And- I'm also tired of me sometimes also, pointing fingers at me. I can only do what I can now that I know- blaming helps no one.