Tuesday, February 9, 2010

SIL strikes again

Since telling SIL the news of my pregnancy, we haven't heard from her. She lived five miles from my parent's home in Orlando but claimed to be too busy to meet up the rest of the week we were in town back in December. Jack found it odd but shrugged it off. SIL called Jack today. Is this a good time, I need to talk to you. Jack said sure, and she began bawling about how hurt and angry she is we didn't tell her in a special way. She demanded to know why my family knew before her. Why we waited so long to tell. Jack calmly explained to her that I was free to tell my family whenever I wanted, not to mention the fact that we were staying with my family and I was obviously pregnant. She countered that we could have called her before coming to Orlando and told her the news. Jack told her once again that someone had to find out first, and if it happened to be my family, it was nothing to get upset about.

When we told her about my first pregnancy in a 'special' way her response was simply, oh. She did not smile once. Instead, she launched into a lecture about not having a baby shower since it can jinx your pregnancy. I told her that was silly and had a miscarriage the next day. I know there is no correlation but because of her taunting words I'm not having a baby shower. Its not her fault necessarily that I've made this choice, but I resent her for putting this kernel in my ear that now correlates baby showers with loss.

To be fair to her, she doesn't know I'm high-risk. She doesn't know how vulnerable we feel. But her calling and bawling her eyes out at not being made to felt special. . . after the shit day that I had wondering if I'm having preterm labor, after the fear-filled first and second trimester, to hear someone trying to make my pregnancy about them. . . it disturbs me. I appreciate my husband's patience with her. Had she said those things to me. . . I don't know what I would have done.


  1. Okay, sorry, but OMG what a self centered whack job. Wow. She did not even deserve an explanation.

    I was scared of my showers - I agree with you - they cannot jinx a pregnancy - but I was scared nonetheless. I can understand why you would make that choice but it makes me feel sad for you in a way - I wish that IF and the losses did not take so much. ((HUGS))

  2. I"m sorry your inlaws are such nutters, but I'm glad Jack deals with them more than you do - you're a saint for even putting up with them tangentially!

  3. Yay for a negative FFN!
    Sorry that she's so self-centered. I can't say I care that my mother and father found out before I did that my brother was expecting. Or that DH's family complained that they found out about this baby weeks after my family did. How is this about her??

  4. I'm so glad your test came back negative, and hoping all goes well with the MFM.

    On the SIL front, she seems like a real class act! Jack seems very patient with her, and it is very good that he was able to talk with her instead of you talking with her. Wow, I mean, I know you said she dosen't know about you being high risk, but seriously, this pregnancy is not about her! It's about you, sunflower and Jack, and that's exactly the way it should be.

  5. She is a nut...seriously! Don't worry another minute about it! Good luck and take care. Glad your husband stuck to his guns - good man! :-)

  6. oh dear. ridiculous. and yet sadly, i know she's not the only person on the planet like this...i'm getting to feel like our in-laws are cut from the exact same cloth. scary.
    when we miscarried the first time, my sil wailed on the phone to my huz about how we handled it.

    what can we do with these clueless people? punch 'em. that's the only option.


    p.s. i'm with meinsideout...i'm sad that you're not having a shower...i get what you're saying, but it makes me sad.

    oh and another p.s. your sil may not know how high risk you are, but she does know you suffered one m/c...and one is enough to strike fear into anyone who dares to try again. so, she knows. blech!

  7. sorry your sil is so ridiclous, no one needs that. i find it odd she would think her brother would tell her before you, the one who is actually physically pregnant, told your own mother. i understand your fear of showers, but i think at this point your pretty safe. i had my shower just one week before i had louise. either way, it doesn't matter, it's not like you HAVE to have a shower, so if it makes you feel better, don't.

  8. Oh. My. God.

    That is SO self-centered, it's unbelievable!! Why didn't you tell me first, waaaaah. Instead you told the mother-to-be's family, booo hooo. Are you serious??

    Some people grow up but just don't become grown-ups, kwim?

  9. I'm glad the ffn test was negative and sending lots of calming vibes for no more scary contractionfests. I think meinsideout said it best, "OMG what a self centered whack job". That made me laugh. My friend had a shower about a month after her little boy was born. Everyone got to meet him and see how beautiful he was. It was also easier on her family members who had to travel. This way they only had to travel once for both seeing her son and the shower, rather than making an expensive trip once and then a couple of months later. It was co-ed (males and females both invited) had nice games and food. It was a great celebration of a new life. You can always buck the stupid tradition and still allow a party for all to share in the joy.