Thank you so much for your advice on my last post [and thanks to those who delurked, its nice to know you're there!] Your perspectives gave me a great deal to marinate over. Your comments helped me realize we could never be friends again. While friends do have falling outs sometimes, Z went too far. She didn't pull away from the friendship, she behaved in a hostile manner towards me. She turned my friends against me. She not only hurt me, she hurt Jack since he can't be friends with her husband in the same way now. If it was simply a matter of us drifting apart, or a misunderstanding I could see myself making an effort, but her actions were intentional and cruel. I will forgive her because I want to move on but I can never allow myself to be in the same position again. Lilly shared with me a quote by Maya Angelou: When someone shows you who they are, believe them-- the first time. It stopped me in my track- maybe its not the same for everyone, but with this particular friendship, its time to forgive and let go.
In very good news I'm 31 weeks pregnant now! And in extra good news, my dietitian said my blood sugar levels are stellar (she actually was concerned at how low they were). If I keep it up I may be able to avoid one more needle to stab myself with! In celebration I ordered a baby sling. Though Jack and I have started browsing baby things, we seem gun shy about actually buying any of the necessities. I decided it was time to bite the bullet and do it. I felt relieved after I clicked purchase. Just another baby-step in that hope direction. Maybe as the days continue going by, I'll continue to resemble Telly monster, less and less:
I'm holding onto the happy feeling as I try to close an insurance gap. We have Tr.iC.are now and its very complicated getting into the system. They want a certified copy of our marriage license which we of course can't find right now so have to re-order, and they require my primary care physician (who I haven't seen in years) to confirm I'm pregnant before they'll approve my OB and MFM visits. Because you know all those women who love going to the MFM for kicks and giggles right? At the rate its going I may have to reschedule my 32 week checkups with my OB and MFM. Trying to find peace with that. Eventually this will all be resolved.
But its hard because the pregnancy hormones, they're alive and kicking. Most days I'm perfectly rational but then I have these moments where I have the urge to cry about everything. Finding an old receipt for a dinner date. Sappy commercials. Oprah. I'm fully aware how ridiculous it is to cry over some of these things, and yet the trembling lower lips, the watery eyes. Sheesh. I find myself rolling my eyes at myself and wiping them from the tears at the same time. One day I will find this hilarious. I just know it. [cartoon source]
As an aside, I thought when I reached my second trimester I'd no longer have anything to say but it seems I blog almost every day. I'm surprised that there seems to be so much still to say, but I thank you so much for supporting me along the way and I hope that I can do the same for you.