Tuesday, March 2, 2010

"You're so lucky you're having a boy"

I've written before on my thoughts on having a son, but since we began telling people, the truth of what I wrote is sinking in- and pissing me off. Since we've begun telling people, this sentiment, that we must be so happy because we're having a son is really getting on our nerves. On one hand some people don't mean any harm with comments such as oh wow Jack must be so excited to have a boy to play sports with! Sure I think he could have played sports with his little girl, but I think these people are just being sweet and would've found something special to say about having a girl. But its the other comments that Jack and I have received that are getting under my skin:
  • Ah, you got it out of the way, producing the male son. (said by a former co-worker with two daughters).
  • Ah man! You are so lucky! I wish we could trade! Girls are tough. (said by a father of a five week old daughter).
  • It took X a while to adjust to having a daughter but now he's happy.
  • You must be so relieved. My wife is pregnant and I'm praying for a son.
If we were having a girl would you have expressed your condolences? It's disturbing to think that people might be jealous because our baby has a penis. It's disturbing that there are baby girls out there whose birth will be met with disappointment. These sentiments are not just an insult to that girl but to me and every woman out there. Women are the reason humanity exists.

My mom had warned me not to tell people the gender for this very reason, but I can't believe that in this day and age, in the USA this sentiment is still voiced. That people dare admit it. Unfortunately, most of these sentiments have been expressed to Jack out of my presence. I'm waiting for someone to say this to me because at this point I'm ready to really go off.

It must be my preggo hormones that are making my eyes well with tears right now, but. . . there are so many of my IF sisters struggling. So many who would do anything, who have gone beyond the bounds of what they could have imagined to have a baby and still struggling. Then there are these people. . . I know none of this is based on a merit system of fairness, but having to encounter people like this, so damn ignorant- its just so fucking unfair.


  1. I totoally understand. Since I'm having b/g twins, EVERYONE says "that's great, you got them out of the way and you are done!". Um, really? although we aren't planning on any more at this time, I resent it when people say that our family is complete with a boy and a girl. I want to say none of your damn biz when I hear that... Or when people say "you got your girl and your husband got his boy" - we would be just as happy if there was one from the start or they were same gender....

  2. People can be just a little stupid. People ask if we know, and everyone seems excited when I say it's a girl. I don't know what I'd be saying back if I got similar comments to the ones you've heard if we were having a boy though. Ideally I'd like to experience raising a son and a daughter at some point (getting a little ahead of myself here), but I'm so grateful to be having a child period, that the fact that it's a girl is icing on the cake.
    I know I'd be just as thrilled to have a son, but having a daughter meant DH and I didn't have to spend months arguing about a name. Silly as that may be.

  3. I'm so sorry you're still having to deal with such craziness!

    I find that DH gets a lot of sports-themed comments, and people will say to me, "I bet you're husband's excited!" - But I assume that they're just matching up the genders, and assume they would say the same to me if I were having a girl (i.e. I must be so excited for a shopping partner!) Maybe not though, who knows?!

  4. If you were having a girl they'd go on and on about how excited you must be to be buying pink. I'm having two girls, and so what we get is "Are you going to try again for a boy?"

    The second you become pregnant, people suddenly feel like your child and your parenting is everybody's business. Just wait until he arrives!

  5. Thanks for sympathizing. I don't mind when people say "jack must be happy" or "now you get to play football with him" but when people express this sort of sentimetn as though we dodged a bullet by avoiding a girl, that sort of sentiment really bothers me.

  6. I said this on your last post too, but it's so interesting to me that this response you are getting. No one said anything along these lines to me at ALL when I was pregnant with Bean, but now that two more boys are on the way, I get the response that people either wish one of my kids was a girl or wonder if *I* wish one of my kids was a girl (said mostly to DH).

    But I totally agree with Jen -- people have no filter when it comes to giving their opinions on your child and your parenting style. Get ready...

  7. that is absolutely ridiculous, i am happy i had a girl, i WANTED to have a girl and my husband loves both of his girls (he has a daughter from a previous relationship), i can't believe someone would love their child less because of it's gender, horrible.

  8. I get the same nonsense...and I get really, really angry - like we are supposed to dispose of our girl children like they do in other cultures???????

    I hate comments like "that's perfect" - um, having a live child will be perfect.

    I could go on and on - it is infuriating...

  9. Oh Lordy. Don't even get me started. =)

    Um, is that one man's 5-week old daughter already out on the dating scene??? =P

    My husband's grandmother actually had the balls (ovaries?) to tell me, "Well, my granddaughter, X, is pregnant with my 4th great grandchild. She'd BETTER be having a boy! I already have 3 female great grandchildren! It's time for a great grandson!" Boooooo! Hissssss!

    You are lucky to have Sunflower simply because he is SUNFLOWER. He is your CHILD. Your MIRACLE! (I know you know this. just felt like screaming it at all those other ignorant fools in the world).

  10. Oh wow, I cannot believe those comments were actually uttered by human beings. I hurt just reading about it. I could never figure out why pregnant people would keep the gender under wraps but now I totally get it (although sooner or later I guess everyone has to face the music - what's to stop these comments after the baby is born?). I'm curious now what peoples' reactions to a girl would be. Morbidly curious. I don't know if I would be able to keep from smacking people like that in the face.

    Even if these people do have a secret prejudice (which makes them questionable to begin with) what kind of special ahole does it take to voice that? Un. be. lievable. I'm so sorry.

  11. I totally agree, he is a blessing, and would be the exact same blessing if mr. sunflower was miss sunflower! It is frustrating that people like that are so 'petty' I'm not sure if that is the word that I wan to use, but it's close. I had a mom bitch about having 'another girl' and I just wanted to shake her and say "Be thankful you can have two children".... oh well, we know how special he is to you.

  12. p.s. i would have been happy with a boy too though!! i'm happy with my girl but i really just wanted a healthy baby, boy or girl.

  13. I actually get the opposite...as I've had three sons people keep saying "You'll have to try for a girl now" and I feel like screaming at them "SURE seeing as its so easy to get pregnant I'll just go do that shall I?"

    People are ignorant, and say stupid things without even realising what they sound like. This is the reason we always keep the sex of the baby a secret until birth!

    I'm sorry people are being jackasses. Its an unfortunate side effect of talking to people :)

  14. I can't believe anyone would say those things to you - or that they would FEEL them! What I would give for a baby of either gender...

  15. I can understand. I'll never forget a woman in the supermarket saying to me "Well at least one of the babies is a boy. Wouldnt it have been horrible if they'd both been girls." Actually, psycho, it would have been just fine.

    People are stupid. I'm sorry you are getting this.

    (Dress him in pink- that will really show them!)

  16. I never thought about it before, but not very many people have expressed that sort of "oh, it's so GOOD you're having that sex" sentiment to me when I say I'm having a girl. Most people smile and nod, and *I* say how happy we are - we WANTED a girl.

    One guy said it was really weird that I was born in the year of the dragon and my daughter will be year of the tiger - because they are both years that supposedly you really want to have a son in. Whatever. I'm loving my little tigress and don't care what anyone else thinks.

  17. It seems the feminist movement can only take us so far. It's rather pitiful isn't it?

  18. Honestly I've gotten a little bit of the "TWO GIRLS?!? Oh no." kind of comment. I'll admit that I don't want to drown in a sea of pink and lace, but otherwise I'm happy. And I'd be happy with boys and I'd be happy with one of each. I try to emphasize that people are individuals and even little kids have very distinct personalities no matter their sex.