Thursday, January 21, 2010

Managing the fears of others

Just because I am feeling better about things and a little more hopeful does not mean I can control those around me. Jack still asks with a nervous hint in his voice if I'm okay when I use the restroom in the middle of the night. If I grimace or make any sort of expression he immediately asks what's the matter? what's wrong? are you okay? I get it. Just beacuse I'm not as scared anymore doesn't mean I can turn this switch off in others.

Then there's my mother. I love my mom but since I got pregnant again she's been very concerned. Considering we share genetic makeup I should not fault her for being a bit of a worry-wart but the fear is beginning to wear on me. My parents live 7 hours from us and we spent the holidays with them. If I jumped to reach something, went out past 10pm with Jack, took a long walk, she chided me telling me to not over exert! In the past I would have gotten mad but I realize she says this out of a place of love and we don't see one another daily so I bit my tongue and let her rebuke me.

Then began the phone calls. We used to talk a few times a week and if she called and I wasn't there it wasn't a big deal, I'd call her in the evening or the next day. But now its different. Now, she calls my home phone, then my cell phone, and then will repeat every twenty minutes and then she will call JACK saying frantically that she can't reach me causing Jack to panic causing a big unnecessary mess.

Granted, I should have my phone on me at all times but sometimes I'm in the shower, or out shopping where there is no reception and its simply not possible. I know she is afraid that me not picking up means I'm passed out on the floor somewhere (since its happened a few times) but its getting tiring to feel tense wondering if she's calling and I missed the call or being nervous to mention I cleaned the tub because I shouldn't be kneeling while pregnant! It's gotten to the point that when she calls I cringe. And I HATE that because I LOVE my mom.

I talked to her gently yesterday and told her that if she calls me once and leaves a message I will call her back when I can. She apologized but I know that this isn't going to stop. It's difficult sometimes to move forward with optimism when everyone around you is biting their nails and shaking their head waiting for the other shoe to drop.

9 comments:

  1. They worry... My mom still freaks out if she cant get in touch with me. It started with this pregnancy and then once the twins were born, she was worried about them, and now that they are home, she worries... You get the picture. It's all from a place of love, even if it does get annoying after a while.

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  2. You're right Michele, and that's why I'm not getting mad at her but I guess its upsetting me because I am working pretty actively on not being afraid because it was getting destructive to my peace of mind.... so its difficult when others around me are freaking out, but you're right, it comes from a place of love and I am grateful she cares.

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  3. It has taken months for DH to finally start to relax more, and even now, he still gets a weird look in my eye if I put my hand on my belly, or palpate for a contraction. I keep trying to tell him that I'll let him know if I think something's off, but he doesn't seem to really believe that. Hopefully it will get better over the next couple months!
    Thankfully my Mum isn't as nuts. At least she can see when I'm online on Skype, even if we don't chat. Hope yours starts to chill a little more too!

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  4. awwww, they're just worried about you but i can see how that might get annoying! when i was in the hospital i kept telling my mom that the baby was fine whenever i spoke to her on the phone and when i finally got to go home she told me that while she was really glad the baby was ok i needed to remember that I was HER baby and she wanted ME to be ok too!

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  5. A great point. And though I know I'll always be more worried than PB, my mom is going to be a wreck. So will my dad. Definitely a drag and makes it harder to keep your mind in positive places.Natural for them to worry, and wonderful that you have someone who cares so much about you, but still annoying I know.

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  6. i answered your questions on my comments!

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  7. I am so proud of you for learning to let go of some of the anxiety, and I can see how Jack and your Mom make that more challenging. Of course none of us blame them, but yes, it will wear on you! And you've still got 14 weeks left. :) I think it's great that you talked to your mom, hopefully that will make a bit of a difference.

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  8. I understand this! Sometimes I feel the same way, but sometimes I feel like I have to convince my family to be worried enough! I finally realized that it's a difference of me being worried about the baby, and my mom being worried about me. Strange :)

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  9. I think that if you just keep up the positive mantra to them both that you feel it's time to drop some of the worry and replace it with hope and happiness that sunflower will benefit. I'm sure that every week it will get better. Hoping that you all can breathe easier soon.

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