I don't check for blood anymore. I guess that was my first mistake. Today as I was about to step into the shower I realized there is unmistakable brown spotting, and not just a little bit. After the shower I don't see any spotting but it was there.
The doctor told me to come in right away. A cervix check showed all was closed and no bleeding to be seen. We listened to the heartbeat boom away on the doppler and I am now home told that all is well and there's nothing to worry about.
In the past week I began looking at mommy playgroups. I even browsed a maternity clothing store on-line. I considered buying my first baby outfit. When I close my eyes I see my child. I see us sitting by the lake near my house feeding the ducks. This child in my womb is real. She is mine. I want her.
Yet today was another reminder, though all is well, though I feel relief, that nothing in this world is guaranteed.