Lady in Waiting

I woke up at 3am last night with painful gas pains and my uterus hard as a rock every few minutes. Wasn't able to fall back asleep. It wasn't a labor contraction because after the practice runs, I have a hint of what actual labor contractions might be like and braxton hicks contractions are just cute little bunnies really. This morning I called the OB and they told me a med to take to ease the pains. I was going to head to babysrus and return some gifts, and do some shopping at the mall but I'm a little scared by last night's contractions and don't really want to leave the house because I don't know how well I could drive if those contractions attacked me while I was out. Luckily the pharmacy is less than a mile away.

Tomorrow I have a repeat amniotic fluid scan at the MFM. If it went down significantly again- tomorrow might be the day I meet Sunflower. So, if you don't hear from me tomorrow night- you'll know what happened. [But- I'm not holding my breath] As I sit here, a lady in waiting, I'm trying to find ways to occupy my time.

1. Practicing the moby wrap on a stuffed teddy.
2. FINISHED packing the hospital bag.
3. Power walking in the neighborhood [well its a power walk for me, bearing in mind I waddle mostly these days- most people would call it an old lady shuffle]
4. Making thank you gift bags for the nurses. I've heard from nurse friends that this is most appreciated. I'm thinking of putting in some lollipops and chocolates with a little note that says Thanks for taking care of my mommy, love, Sunflower.
5. Organizing duplicate gifts to return to BRU and Target.
6. Installing the car seat
7. Making a mental list of the stuff I will eat once the baby comes out (Strawberry milkshake from Steak-n-Shake, chocolate chip cookies, soft serve frozen yogurt, a nice frosted cupcake).
8. Bribing sunflower with promises of TV viewing and anything naughty he wants if he will just come out [don't intend to follow through but I'm betting he wont remember!]

Any other ideas on how to help pass the time as productively as possible most appreciated!

Nine more days

I'm feeling a little drained. And annoyed. As I stated in my last post I had labor-like contractions for nearly an hour. It hurt like hell. I could not walk nor talk through them and then- they slowly tapered off and now the volcano is silent again. I feel teased. I feel a little frustrated. From the way sunflower is now kicking me, he is feeling teased too. I realize I cannot control my body and I realize this is just a practice run and that as a type-A minded person, my body is apparently a type-A bodied creature that simply must practice 100 times before doing the real thing but I still kind of want to cry. The pain was scary and more powerful than the last time I had painful contractions two nights earlier. This time I felt the pain in my back and pelvic area as well. I know labor hurts. I know that what went in was microscopic but what's going to come out is at least 8 pounds. So yes- pain is to be expected- but wow- that pain is amazing. That pain is otherwordly. I now understand why people of my faith pray for others while in the throes of this pain- I felt like I was on another plane in the midst of the intense pain. But what scares me is that if this isn't labor- will actual labor pains hurt more? That is terrifying.

I want my body to go into labor on its own. I don't want to be induced. So I shouldn't complain. I'm just confused. Is this going to lead to something? Or is my body just messing around? I feel like someone told me you won a million dollars!! and then said oh whoops, not you, the *other* girl in the yellow shirt. Sigh.

Forgive me for my twitter like updates lately but as always this is my place to write about what's going on, and helps me make sense of what is going on. Thank you for listening.

Amniotic fluids and induction

Dr. MFM told me my amniotic fluid decreased to the borderline level, dropping half in volume since last week. Oh, I said, well I have been leaking some watery discharge. Jack and MFM stared at me like I had morphed into a Cockatoo. And you didn't mention this because. . .? Jack asked. I felt myself grow red well I figured it was normal, plus its not a continuous trickle like Dr. Google said. She took a sample of the fluid [though I wasn't feeling the discharge then] and said I'm going to test to see if its amniotic fluid if it is we'll send you across the street to the hospital and you can deliver today! We just stared at her with our jaws dropped as she left the room. I don't have my bags packed! I shrieked. And today? We meet him today? I know I want to meet him, and yes I'd love to meet him today but wow it hit me like an anvil as Mekate pointed out, whether its this week or next his arrival is imminent!

She didn't find any evidence of a rupture though she said it didn't mean I wasn't leaking earlier. They're having me come in again Thursday to continue monitoring the levels. Friday I'm meeting my OB and the nurse hinted that my OB is on call next Monday and Tuesday so if I'm going to be induced it would likely be then.

If the fluid continues falling its a different matter, but otherwise I'm conflicted about inducing. On one hand my cervix is ripening and I'm dilating and effacing so the risks of C-Section due to induction are lower. Plus I know I'm carrying a large-ish baby so the longer I go the bigger the baby will be. BUT- as I was typing this I had a contraction from hell. I couldnt walk. I couldn't talk through it. My uterus hardened for three minutes while I breathed my way through it. If my body is revving up like an engine trying to get to a comfortable laboring hum, then why not let it? And even though labor feels like its coming tonight, I'm a first timer so odds are I'm not going until at at least my due date. Should I wait it out if I can?

In the meantime I'm going to finish packing my hospital bag, write out a checklist of things to take, and tidy up the bedroom. Sweets are my safe comfort food and I wish so much I could have a nice large milkshake right now. Dang you GD! In the meantime I ate a slice of pineapple. Nothing proves it sends you to labor but right now old wives tales on the internet sound like scientific based medical journals. I wish I could have that nice fun water broke moment soon erasing all doubt of what exactly is happening!

Is it possible to be simultaneously excited and frightened out of one's mind?

NOW I'm scared of labor

I was having a perfectly pleasant dream about bottles. Avent versus Dr. Brown. Me and a friend were discussing the benefits of each quite passionately. Then my stomach started hurting and when I awoke the pain remained and my stomach was hard as a rock and I had to take deep breaths to stave off the pain. It went on for 3 minutes. Then it went away. After that I got more painless braxton hicks tightening [I officially love braxton hicks, they are so gentle, why couldn't we labor with braxton hicks gentle tight and release?] on and off. And then- SLAM. The next contraction was again strong enough I couldn't talk through it and the pain? Damn. Ladies, how do you do it? I found myself moaning and just pacing, walking, lying down, trying to do anything to make this pain go away. This one hurt enough to send a call to the doctor. The meanest Step-OB was on call and when I described my symptoms she said its not real labor (Being the bearer of bad news I suppose does not make her mean though) and such false labors are normal at this stage. I was hoping that since I was contracting every five minutes, just that some were those cute bunny rabbit braxton hicks, that maybe it all added up to labor, but no. She said they all have to be that painful and every five minutes.

So- veteran mothers, don't laugh- but- I had this image of me going into natural labor. I imagined myself packing my bags (because they're not fully packed), taking a shower, grabbing a bite to eat, saying a quick prayer, and then heading to the hospital. Frolicking really. This isn't going to happen, is it?

Now the volcano has calmed down, my uterus is soft, baby is kicking like crazy as if asking what the fuck was that? And I'm left wondering: Is my body sadistic? Or does it mean the real thing is imminent? I guess time will tell. In the meantime- is incessant blogging a symptom of labor?

Waiting For Sunflower- seriously, waiting.***

I think the first year of my IF blogging all I blogged about were my symptoms during the two week wait. Measuring my nausea, and levels of fatigue and squeezing and then reporting on the tenderness of my boobs. [oh yes, this blog was once quite riveting] I am beyond grateful to be on the other end of the TWW but I apologize if I show this gratitude by indulging myself in Symptom Watch 2010, particularly when most of these 'symptoms' are likely not symptoms at all. Still to humor myself here's an accounting:

1. Nausea. I've been slammed with nausea. Nothing tastes right. Even chips or sipping soda doesn't help like it normally does.
2. I constantly feel full. I ate breakfast but had to force myself to eat lunch at 4pm not due to hunger but because I needed to eat. I just am not getting hunger pangs.
3. Weird feelings in the land down under like someone with knitting needles gently tapping.
4. Walrus-Like. Its not just girth (though I am by all accounts enormous), its how I feel. I want to sit on a rock (or sofa) and just wallow in the sun (or under the fan). Mind you, I had the energy today to vacuum, fold laundry, clean our bedroom and the toilet, all things that need to be done, but I didnt want to. Sure no one ever wants to do household chores but I do them routinely without whining. These days I just can't. Today, I bought the hostess gifts, came home and read, napped, and watched Judge Judy. I did nothing more.
   
5. Funky emotions. One minute I want to cry [though not sad]. The next, I feel at peace and feel like I'm on top of the world [though I'm still just walrusing on the couch].
6. **Edited, add to the list now menstrual cramping, watery discharge, and a hard contraction/cramp that woke me from sleep. Come on, you just know this baby is going to decide to come right before the baby shower! [I realize this is likely of no interest to anyone outside of me, I guess I'm record keeping]
   

The contractions aren't very strong. Once in a blue moon these past few days I'll get a doozy of a hicks but otherwise its calm but I wonder are all these symptoms the eye before the storm? Can anyone relate?

I know in under two weeks I'll be meeting little guy so theres no need to read into any of this. My family reminds me of this constantly (after they calm down from asking, ARE YOU IN LABOR OMG OMG!) but, you know how it is. So thanks for listening to this silly contemplation as I sit here waiting and wondering, waiting and wondering, when when when.

38 Weeks

38 weeks. K twiddles thumbs. Looks left. Looks right. Back to twiddling thumbs. Yep we've arrived, can someone please tell Sunflower?

• I'm meeting with my OB one week from today to discuss next steps and a possible induction the first week of May but- its my sincere hope I'll go on my own before then.
• Anytime I call almost anyone these days before I can even say hi they say you're having the baby aren't you!!?! I guess I'm not the only one on alert.
• My brother graduates on my due date. My mom has mentioned at least five times A will remember forever I wasn't there so if you can plan the induction on Saturday, after his graduation. . . I get that college graduation is a big deal (though I didn't attend mine) and that A is a very sensitive baby of the family, but I do not want to be made to feel guilty that she can't attend his graduation. If I went into labor May 3 or so she plans to drive 8 hours here and then drive 8 hours back to make it to his graduation and then turn around and come back here. That makes NO SENSE. I told her she should attend his graduation because if she seriously thinks he'll hold a grudge forever then his event should take priority over being here in time for Sunflower's arrival. I'm just tired of being made to feel guilty, I didn't plan to have a due date overlap his graduation date. Jack and I are debating not calling anyone to tell them I'm in labor until Sunflower arrives making it simple for everyone, but I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do either.
  
• I haven't taken any birthing classes (out of laziness, though I watched a ton of 16 and pregnant and the baby story on TLC- does that count?) but I'm so calm about this upcoming reality. Maybe its because I know there is no way to get around it or maybe its because I have no idea whats in store for me.
  
• My hospital bag is almost packed. I don't have enough maternity clothes to pack them away yet but his clothes, my nursing bras, creams, sugar free candy, socks, etc are all squared away.
  
• I finally picked a pediatrician who seems great and came highly recommended. They have several locations and are open seven days a week!
  
• I found a nice dress for my shower, and tomorrow I'm hitting up the mall to find a lotion set for the hostesses. I was going to get them a bracelet with Sunflower's birthstone but a) I'm not sure if he'll come in April or May, and b) April's birthstone? Diamonds. So, yeah- Origins lotions it is.
• I feel like Enfamil and Similac are stalking me. Seriously. I got huge boxes of Enfamil in the mail and my OB office offers me a bag of Similac each time I go and today the pediatrician offered me more too! Maybe I shouldn't have refused some of the free stuff but a) I don't want to formula feed if I can help it and b) the aggressive approach these formula makers use makes my D.A.R.E training from elementary school kick in since I feel like they're pushing me with free samples to hook me. (I hope ya'll remember DARE?)
  
• In Milk Watch News, Kroger's Milk now expires May 5. Two days away people! I am currently wondering if I'm neurotic enough to go out and buy the milk once it bears my due date. Me thinks I just may be that crazy.
• Speaking of Milk Watch. . . I got a Medala from one of Jack's co-workers for about $75 (obviously will be getting separate accessories for it!) but have been nervous that I'm not really showing signs of impending milk production. A friend suggesting I squeeze and um, yep, there's something in there. This is good news but also amazing to consider that these boobs will soon be working girls not just there to sit and look pretty.
• And- HOLY CRAP this is my 100th post for 2010?! How have I managed to have THAT much to say? Wow.
  

38 weeks- here's hoping this is my last weekly update for this pregnancy! [Sunday night, baby. Sunday night!]

MFM Update

I have mixed feelings about today's MFM visit:

• Sunflower weighed in at 7lb3oz. After I proceeded to have a heart attack the tech remeasured and revised her estimate to 6lb14oz. 70th percentile. No one except me and Jack seem concerned that this puts him on track to be about 9 pounds at birth.
  
• My blood pressure was pretty high which is unusual for me since I'm usually on the lower end, on retest I was borderline normal but my ankles are swelling and there was a tiny bit of protein in my urine so they took my blood to make sure I'm not getting preeclampsia.
  
• While sitting in the waiting room I began having menstrual like cramps to the point that it was hard to breathe through it, but. . .
• A cervix check shows that the baby has not dropped and while slightly soft, my cervix is only dilated a fingertip so. .
  
• Labor aint coming no time soon, I'm just having good old fashioned braxton hicks.

I'm glad the cervix is slowly softening and its slightly opened (albeit just a fingertip) so at least the contractions I'm having aren't in vain. Everyone tells me that when its labor I'll know, so I guess I'll resist the urge to read into anything. It's so weird though. This time next month I will have Sunflower in my arms. I've been through so many months of waiting. Yet, this final wait, of a mere three weeks, it feels like I will have a fluff of white hair and a cane by the time I get there. Time.is.crawling.

Contractorama

The contractions- they just keep on coming. So much so I've stopped counting. Pretty much anytime I stand up, I contract. Sitting, I get them too. The contractions today are a little different. There is more pressure. A few times I felt a sharp pain like a needle go down my cervix on downwards and there's been a few contractions lately that are making me catch my breath. But not all of them, and not consistently, and I can still talk through them, so its likely not labor. This is an important doctor week. Tomorrow MFM will tell me how much little dude weighs which will help us figure out what the plan will be and Tuesday when my OB does the swab test they do at 36 weeks she can also just see how my cervix is holding up. Its so weird- last year this time I had contractions like this though a tad more painful and I knew what was happening and that it was happening soon. But now- with these contractions there is no telling. My body might be contracting to do practice runs (makes sense, I'm so type A!) or it might be pre-labor, or who knows. ARGH.

Contractions, continued

As I said in my last post, I'm contracting more than usual for me. I stayed off my feet. I drank 13 glasses of water. And they keep coming. As of 9:00pm I've contracted: 9:09; 9:11; 9:20; 9:34; 9:55; 10:11; 10:17. I feel a weird pressure, like something pressing down in my pelvic region. But if the standard of my OB is true: a true contraction is not being able to talk through it, then I'm not there. What the heck is this? Does this mean labor is coming soon? They're not five minutes apart for thirty minutes so I won't call in but its weirding me out. This weekend last year I began my miscarriage at my in-laws home. This year my first real eyebrow raising contractions on the very same weekend? I'm still a few days shy of full-term so its not time for this yet. I just wonder what is going on. Anyone else go through this? And 10:29 as I sign off- yet another one!

Oh Contractions

Before pregnancy, I thought labor would be simple to figure out. My water would break, contractions would begin and with a dainty hand I'd lift my packed hospital bag and Jack and I would, with flushed faces, head to labor and delivery.

Then I began reading blogs and I learned that going into labor is not as simple as the movies.

I'm having contractions today. They're uncomfortable. I get pressure. Sometimes they last for ten seconds, sometimes one full minute. I read that I should call the OB if the contractions are more than 4 per hour. After the fifth one today I called. The on-call OB said if I was able to talk through the contraction its not labor and to call only if contractions were every five minutes for thirty minutes. She said I could go into labor today or go past my due date, the contractions were no indicator of that. Thanks to Kate's experiences, I already knew that.

I just feel uncomfortable today. When he moves it hurts. I feel pressure in my abdomen. I could liken it to when one is constipated, except, I'm not. The uterus is contracting but not every five minutes and not painful to the point of not being able to talk through it. The OB said this is normal.

I guess its time to get a notepad out and time them and see what's going on. The craziest part about this was the doctor was totally unconcerned. She simply said you're 36 weeks pregnant so we're not worried anymore, if you have him today or next week, it will be okay. Wow- hot diggidy damn. We have arrived.

Braxton Hicks and Police Officers

He's been quite active today. Hiccups, jumps, pokes, squirms. My stomach looks like an invisible person is using it as a water mattress. Along with it I get pressure like I'm having a period. It went on for 2-5 minutes and then went away, and then returned. Maybe its gas so I'm not calling my OB yet- but can you get this pressure during pregnancy? I have an MFM appointment tomorrow so I'm trying to wait it out. I've already discussed with little dude in full detail: two more weeks! Hopefully he's listening.

In unrelated news we woke up today to loud banging and ringing of our door. Jack opened the door. Two cops in two cop cars on our driveway asking to speak to ME. Apparently, our painter who nicely offered to take some of our trash bags to the dump when he went, illegally dumped the trash a mile down the road from our house and bills with my name were scattered for miles down the road. The cops were very concerned someone broke into our house, stole these bills and then scattered them a mile down the road. They then handed us our torn bills and left. So there are in fact two lessons to be gathered here (1) Shred your documents (2) If you want to live in a city where no real crime apparently happens resulting in two officers showing up to deliver trash to your home- live in my city.

Remembering Speck

February 7. One year ago today I ovulated for the first time in years. One year ago today we conceived Speck, though we did not know at the time. Three months from today, May 7, I hope to give birth for the first time to the third being created in my womb.

I'm spotting brown today. If you know me, you might be shocked that I'm simply monitoring it and am not panicking. Dr. Google says if its intermittent and doesn't subside to call a doctor the next day. Miracle of miracles I'm okay with doing that. The Braxton Hicks may have pushed some old blood out. Or maybe my body is remembering someone.

Damn you Braxton Hicks, I hope

I woke up to the use the bathroom and when I went back to bed I noticed my stomach was hard as a rock. It didn't hurt and after about a minute it softened back up. Then about ten minutes later, again. There is no discernible pattern, no pain, so I'm hoping its just a harmless Braxton Hicks contraction that I read can begin in your 28th week. I've had about five of these contractions in the past two hours. I took a warm shower as recommended, am drinking my fifth glass of water and am about to lie on my side in the hopes that it will ease things. Any of you experiencing this? Because I'm not having menstrual like pain I'm not panicking. Hopefully it will just go away soon.