26 weeks and double digits!

I started counting down at 260 days, back then double digit day felt like a mirage but like any parched traveler I continued the hike. Now I'm here at the brief oasis along the way: double digits. It doesn't mean much viability-wise but it means a lot psychologically for me.

Speaking of viability, I read some amazing stories of preemies that were born very early and survived against all odds, including Amillia whose mother had to lie to doctors about her gestational age because had they known she was only 21 weeks they wouldn't have tried saving her. She's now a preschooler! Or Will Goddard who was born at 23 weeks and doctors refused to treat him until they saw him struggling to survive without any assistance for 36 hours after his birth. He is now 11 years old, plays the sax, has his own website and has authored two books. My uterus has been acting a little irritable lately, I think I have had a few Braxton Hicks and some wonky discharge which Dr. Google tells me is normal. Still, I hold these stories close to my heart, they give me hope when I feel a little scared. I thought I'd share incase they give you hope too.

Jack shared our news to his co-workers today. He went to Dunkin Donuts beforehand and brought in a few boxes of Munchkin Donut Holes to announce the impending arrival of our own munchkin. It tells me how happy Jack is since getting up thirty minutes early and just thinking to do this is so unlike him! He has changed so much this past year. It's amazing to see and it makes me wonder what he will be like as a father. I anticipate good things.

Incidentally, I'm fully convinced Sunflower reads my blog because after penning my post about my nerves about evil eye, he decided to mess with my head and go totally silent for two days. No pokes, no nudges, nothing. It even took me five minutes to find him on the doppler last night. I slept fitfully, worried sick. This morning I managed to force him out of hiding by eating some cereal, a glass of OJ and some tea with plenty of sugar in it. My stomach suddenly became a bowl of shaky jello as he wiggled out of hiding. I kindly asked him to hold off on hide-and-seek until he's safely out!

26 weeks. I was never a girl scout but I wonder what kind I would have been. Probably the kind obsessed with collecting merit badges. I say this because tiny milestones like hitting 26 weeks, double digits, make me so excited, I could see myself getting beat up in a dark alley by other girlscouts after announcing my 20th cookie box sale. Oh well- Yay to 26 weeks as I hunker down to the next goal: Week 28 and officially entering the third trimester!

Baby Loot and Hope

When I found out I was pregnant I told myself I would allow myself a baby outfit once I hit the second trimester. Since then I've literally walked into Carter's five times, glanced from side to side like a wary cat and then fled out as fast as I could. I'm not sure why but just being in the baby store made my heart beat faster and I would begin to feel a little nauseous. I began wondering if we'd be bringing my son home in May in a diaper and nothing more. Yesterday I went to an outlet store near my house and decided to once again try it out. One little outfit, I told myself, just one. Baby steps. Well, I was a lot more successful this time:

My favorite purchase was a pack of onesies with elephants. As I've said before I feel I'm gestating an elephant so it was fitting to buy a few elephant clothes. It was amazing to show these clothes to Jack. He ran his hand over them and said I feel like we bought these as a gift for someone else. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that this is for our child. I think it was very important for us to do this. Just yesterday Jack mentioned going to a local baby furniture store to browse at cribs, something he refused to even discuss just a week earlier.

He told me our MFM tech helped him change perspective. When I lay there getting the ultrasound I kept firing questions, what's the cervix looking like? How's the amniotic fluid? What percentile is he in? And then she laughed a little and very gently said I know you've been through a lot and I understand that you're scared but what happened before does not predict what will happen. This is your time to enjoy pregnancy and feel excitement at what is to come. Lay back and just look at him, really look at him and let yourself feel happy. And just like that we stopped talking and stared at this little miracle on the screen, sucking his thumb and stretching his legs, his eyes shut tight. For Jack that was his moment, his epiphany to embrace hope and try to work on letting go of the fear that's gripped us by the throat.

We feel like toddlers walking on wobbly legs with this whole hope business, but the more I walk on its path the more sure footed I hope it will feel.