Spotting, Inducing, Slings

I've gotten very comfortable in this pregnancy. According to my OB too comfortable. You see, I've been brown spotting all weekend. I didn't mention it because I'm not feeling contractions so surely things are okay? I called today to tell the OB just because it was three days on and they called me in immediately. It worked out since I was due for my 32 week check up anyways. The cervix seems closed and she ordered a fFN test and the MFM will measure my cervix Wednesday to make sure all is well. I got a stern lecture to call when things are wonky since brown spotting is not normal, but in good news on the GD front she's happy with my numbers so I no longer have to test for ketones in the morning and only have to check my blood sugar twice a day. My fingers are pleased.

I told her I really wanted her to deliver my baby. She said thats possible if we induce and she'd be open to inducing me in the 39th or 40th week. I feel since I have GD I'd be induced anyways so why not plan it? Is there some harm in doing this that I'm missing? At the end of the day I just want my baby and want to feel confident in the doctor delivering the baby.

I'm having issues walking lately. I feel like the Tin Man in Oz and my upper right leg by the pelvic area is in need of a good oiling. It seriously feels like it creaks as I walk. Dr. D told me its my belly weight. I dont know. I barely move lately. A painter has been in our house for over a week changing our popcorn ceilings to smooth and painting a few rooms and has essentially turned our house into what looks like twister came through so we're living out of a guest room and are moving as much as slugs do on any given day. Can't wait until he's done. This nesting phenomenen is weird. We've lived in this house for over five years and none of the imperfections bothered me until now. I mean, is Sunflower going to raise his eyes with disgust at popcorn ceilings or scratches on the walls? Very odd.

In purchasing news, I decided to return my Balboa Sling since it looks like the type that the advisory was targeting (and the baby in the picture looks so disturbed!) and I'm considering getting a Moby wrap, but its looking mighty complicated with lots of crossing over and tying. I was the last kindergartner to master the art of shoe tying and that hasn't really improved with time. I really wanted a wrap I could quickly put on to take baby out and about and the Moby looks a bit unweildy. Do any of you use a wrap/sling that you can just kind of toss on when heading out?

This and that and a belly shot!

I've been monitoring my spotting but save a teeny bit of pink spotting in the morning, nothing. Because of the negative FFN test and the minimal spotting I'm going to see if I can hold off on my MFM appointment until its scheduled time next Wednesday. Thank you so much for your kind comments and support!

Taking advantage of an extra spurt of energy I cleaned Sunflower's room a little bit and donated a bunch of things to the American Kidney Services. I wasn't planning to decorate his room, but now that its emptying out I'm starting to have daydreams of what it could look like, so maybe I just might put a little bookshelf in with my favorite children's books. Take that spotting, I will not let you bring me down!

I also wanted to link to this post by Lilly. I haven't gotten it out of my head all day. It's a powerful reminder I hope to never forget.

And finally, this morning I looked down at my belly and was shocked. I am ginormous. I've been seeing many of you capture your pregnancy progression and I realized save a shot of myself at 21 weeks I have no belly shots! So, here is my belly at 27w4d. I think I'm looking a whole lot bigger than one should look at this stage. I think you are actually looking at half baby Sunflower, and half pizza, but it is what it is!

Braxton Hicks- Still hoping**

Last night as I slept I kept waking up feeling a little bit of pressure in my pelvic region. It could simply be constipation or gas, but that plus the uterine tightening that's continuing today plus the brown spotting yesterday all made me think I should call my doctor. I thought they'd dismiss it and put a red flag next to my name as the crazy person, but they are having me see them in a few hours. Hopefully its nothing.

**Updated: At the doctor's office when I went to change I saw that my spotting turned into pink spotting. The doctor said my cervix is closed and she can't figure out the source of the spotting but she is having a fFN test done. If its negative I think it means I won't go into labor during the next two weeks and if its positive she'll want me to go to the hospital for further testing. She said if its negative and I still see spotting tomorrow to have my MFM appointment pushed up so they can measure my cervix length. I should get the results of the test this evening or tomorrow morning.

*****Updated: The doctor just called and said the fFN test is negative! If spotting continues I'm to go to MFM and get an u/s of my cervix and she urged me not to ignore my symptoms. It's so hard to balance in my mind what is something to be concerned about, and what is just fear echoing in my mind. Hopefully the spotting stops and next Wednesday at my MFM they can measure a hard and closed cervix.

May. Cannot. Come. Fast. Enough.
Sigh

Remembering Speck

February 7. One year ago today I ovulated for the first time in years. One year ago today we conceived Speck, though we did not know at the time. Three months from today, May 7, I hope to give birth for the first time to the third being created in my womb.

I'm spotting brown today. If you know me, you might be shocked that I'm simply monitoring it and am not panicking. Dr. Google says if its intermittent and doesn't subside to call a doctor the next day. Miracle of miracles I'm okay with doing that. The Braxton Hicks may have pushed some old blood out. Or maybe my body is remembering someone.

MFM Update

Thank you for thinking of me and praying for me. It means the world. As we went to the MFM I had more uterus irritation, not full out contractions but you could tell it was acting funny. I went to give a urine sample and there was more pronounced pinkish spotting. Naturally I freaked out but everyone said this is normal. They did a cervix check and I'm at almost 5 inches! So they said the cervix is doing just fine and the amniotic fluid levels are also just fine. They saw some darkness by the uterus that they think might be the source of the spotting but said it was likely as a result of the uterus expanding and nothing they were concerned about. They told me based on the scan, the contraction was likely braxton hicks and I should expect to see brown discharge with Braxton hicks simply because the lovenox and baby aspirin is going to trigger it more than if I were not on those medications.

Phew. <-- [My understatement of 2009]

Sunflower was chilling out, he's head down on my cervix and his hands covered his face for most of the ultrasound. She had to nudge my belly to get him to move his hands but then he quickly covered his face again. Shy guy. The doctor said all looks well. I'm a little disappointed that the u/s machine the MFM uses isn't very high quality so the images are super blurry but that's besides the point since they saw him and measured my 14 oz bundle of joy, and he's doing fine.

I was dismayed to see I've gained about 17 pounds. Most of it is due to care to the wind eating. I can't even blame sunflower since I haven't had unhealthy cravings. It's just me letting myself eat what I want when I want. Yikes, if I've gained 17 pounds by now I could double this weight by the time I deliver. I'd like to say I'll start watching what I eat now but we're heading to Florida to spend the week with my family and we live to eat, not the other way around. So I guess I'll start hunkering down and doing more portion control in 2010.

But that's all beside the point. All is well. I am so grateful they checked the cervix and the amniotic fluid levels and discovered a probable source of my spotting. The doctor told me to expect spotting on and off here on out, so that is reassuring if I see more spotting while out of town to know its normal.

I hope you are all doing well too. Every night you're in my prayers, most of you by name. I'm not sure what good prayers do sometimes but I believe good vibes go a long way. Here's to good vibes for all of you this holiday season and beyond!

Waiting for the Appointment

Thanks for your words of support from yesterday. I'm feeling quite high strung right now and I don't know why. Couldn't sleep last night, puttering around the house uselessly. The spotting is much lighter now but I noticed a pinkish tinge, very faint, and you had to look it at like you do when you're examining a 9dpo pregnancy test but it was a pinkish tinge, which is said to be a potential sign of amniotic fluid, but I haven't had another contraction since yesterday. I see Dr.MFM at 2pm and I'll bring up all these concerns but I'm scared. My stomach literally feels like its in knots. I will be honest, I don't know if I'm just worrying for nothing, that this is just a symptom of me waiting for the other shoe to drop, or if my fears are justified. I think its just being on the bad side of statistics so often that though the chances are minimal that anything is wrong is enough to make me nervous. Taking deep breaths. Everything will be okay. What will be will be. So far so good.

Spotting, I HATE YOU

I was preparing an egg sandwich and suddenly felt my uterus contract and then I checked and I had brown spotting. Fuck. The nurse said to stay off my feet, drink liquids and talk to my MFM doctor at tomorrow's visit. So far no more pain. Spotting is status quo, light and not much.

My hands are shaking. I'm so tired guys. I'm so tired of the constant fear.

Irritable Uterus

I woke up around 5am this morning to use the restroom when I felt a weird pressure on the left side of my uterus. It was a pressure, almost like a menstrual cramp but only on my left side. After a few moments, it went away. I fell back asleep. In the morning when I awoke I felt it again, on and off while I roused from sleep. Maybe its the baby, I thought, so I put on the doppler, but he was on the complete right side of my uterus, dancing up a storm, but decidedly not on the right side. It kept happening all day. A few times an hour. Then on a trip to the bathroom I noticed some slight brown spotting. Nothing major, nothing that made me panic, but I figured it was time to ask the doctor if I should be worried.

The nurse just called me back and said it sounds like an irritable uterus. Even though the sensation of cramping is only on one side she said it could be I'm only feeling it on the left side but the entire uterus could be contracting. She said its nothing scary but to stay off my feet, drink water like a fish, and call if the spotting worsens/persists, and if the cramping persists.

I've eaten a bowlful of honeydew (high water content) and on my second glass of water. It seems to be better so hopefully it will just go away.

Memo to Uterus: Yes, I know the little boy likes to dance, and I agree I think he's building a jungle gym and a pool deck in there, but you let him do what he wants, and keep your trap shut. Understood? Mmmkay?

Random thoughts

1. The spotting is gone. My OB thinks it might be because of a very mildly uphill walk we did the day before in a park. Yes, it was a teeny bit hilly, but we weren't climbing a mountain. She said the lovenox makes all areas around there sensitive so it can cause light bleeding. She told me I could continue to do these things but not to freak out if a few days later I see some spotting- Um no thanks!

2. I feel a lot better now. Thank you to you guys for your advice and support. I am happy that it appears I avoided anything like clinical depression because the feeling lasted for only 5 days. Things that are helping are, I plan to join a local writing group and meet some people, I am getting out of the house today to get some sunshine by sitting by the lake and reading a book, and if I feel that low again I'm going to write about it again because letting it out felt great.

3. Despite feeling better I sense I am more anxious than I should be. This is multifaceted and usually a quick run on the treadmill calms me down, but now I can't do that. This anxiety is robbing me of my sleep, so I think I'm going to start doing yoga. Anyone have any good DVDs you can recommend?

4. A few people mentioned on my depression post that perhaps these feelings have something to do with the year catching up to me. Just because I'm in a "safe place" in my pregnancy doesn't mean I'm safe as yesterday's spotting incident revealed. I think I need to find a quiet peaceful spot to think about this year, reflect on it and find some sort of closure or resolution on it because right now the things that happened are a raw gaping wound. I want to start stitching it closed. I know the scars will never fade but at least the wound will close.

The return of the brown spot

I don't check for blood anymore. I guess that was my first mistake. Today as I was about to step into the shower I realized there is unmistakable brown spotting, and not just a little bit. After the shower I don't see any spotting but it was there.

The doctor told me to come in right away. A cervix check showed all was closed and no bleeding to be seen. We listened to the heartbeat boom away on the doppler and I am now home told that all is well and there's nothing to worry about.

In the past week I began looking at mommy playgroups. I even browsed a maternity clothing store on-line. I considered buying my first baby outfit. When I close my eyes I see my child. I see us sitting by the lake near my house feeding the ducks. This child in my womb is real. She is mine. I want her.

Yet today was another reminder, though all is well, though I feel relief, that nothing in this world is guaranteed.