Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Weight Loss- Easier Said. . . Than Done.

So I wrote a post about how I intend to lose weight, how I'd like to drop some weight by my 32nd birthday and before I try to conceive again- and then- I signed off- and went to McDonalds and had a vanilla ice cream cone followed with M&Ms and Pad Thai for dinner.

What. the. fuck?

I never go to McDonalds. My last trip to McDonalds was in 2009 in Spain when we could find nothing in our near the vicinity that didn't have pork, and before then? When I was 18. I don't know what possessed me to declare myself on a diet and then run off to stuff myself with as much sugar as possible.

I think part of it is this fear to give up sugar. To eat healthy. I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'm going to fail. Because I've failed so many times before. Because weight loss has always been such a damn struggle- I dont think I can do it- and my body in rebellion against my mind- went to McDonalds.

I used to be a size four, it was a brief time but it was a beautiful time and since then I've looked back with wistfulness wanting it again, never giving away the clothes from that era, but never doing what it takes to get back to where I once was.

I have been at this weight for five years now. I'm ashamed of it. So ashamed I cannot even state it here on this private blog with people who support me, the only ones reading. I begin with sincere effort- and then I drop off- I begin- then I fail.

Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I'm going to sit down and get more specific. I'm going to make a clear goal. A clear plan. And I will do this. I can do it. I must do it.


  1. Ok, as someone who has lost over 100 pounds here's my advice...
    1) Pick a diet, any diet
    2) Pick a back up diet
    3) Start dieting
    4) If you overeat figure out why then just move on
    5) Do ALOT of thinking about how you'll maintain your loss
    6) If you get bored or tired switch to the other diet
    7) Get a NEW back up diet
    8) Just keep going
    9) Exercise as often as you can

    It isn't that simple but it is possible. You don't have to fail. Perfection is weirdly one of the reasons people get in the place. Why bother trying if you can't be perfect? Well I haven't been remotely perfect but I've lost 102 pounds. You can too...although I bet you haven't got that much to lose. x

  2. It is sooo hard! I need to lose about 40 pounds...and I ate Chinese food and ice cream last night.....

    lisa - meinsideout

  3. I do the exact same thing. Decide that 'tomorrow's the day!' and then spend the rest of TODAY eating crap. It's like I want to make it not-work, subconsciously, and I Hate that.

    So here's to making Today as good as it can be, (I say, surrounded by sweet rolls, ingredients for heavy-cream clam chowder, and birthday cake for my husband. Oi!) Hang in there & stick with it. That's the only way to do it.

  4. I'm gonna try the Herbalife diet after this baby. You have to do what works for you. For me drinking a shake twice a day is golden as I suck at planning and preparing meals. Right now at the moment I am snacking on Pretzel M&Ms....just because I'm hungry and they were teh nearest things to me.

  5. Claire, that is excellent advice- I'm going to think on that today. Congratulations on 100 pounds! That is no easy feat! Its like you said- you can do it, but its not easy. Thansk for the support.

    Lisa, :( its hard isn't it?

    Susan, yes tomorrow is glorious. Tomorrow will be perfect. It's time to shed this once and for all.

    E, I will look into that but I Love food wayyyy too much to reduce it to shakes. I know healthy recipes, I know how to lose weight- its just not doing what I need to do. Thanks for your advice. And hey- you can eat what ou need to, you're pregnant!